One shot! ORIGINAL STORY!!IS IT OKAY FOR IT TO BE HERE?

[narutoIZZAbest]

Ok this is my story.
I typed it on my uncles comp and printed it out.
Since I was too lazy with trying to type words from the page I scanned it^^;
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/uchiha_12/page1story.jpg
The bottom row is hard but if anyone is having trouble trying to read it please tell. :wink:
Thats the first page
Its a short story anyways.
Ill come back and post some of the other pages soon^^

[Lixie]

I can't read the whole thing..!

[narutoIZZAbest]

what was the last sentence that you tried to read?
oh and heres the second page
i didnt use a link thing this time so the picture wont minimize when its done loading^^
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/uchiha_12/Page2story.jpg

[thompkinsbrian]

post original stories if you want. no one is gonna cry about it. and personally ill wont read it...ill just ask lixie what it is about and if it suks

[narutoIZZAbest]

and if you think that after that cut off sentence theres more dont worry. i checked and the pages made sense.
I used the real pages to check^^

[narutoIZZAbest]

meh it doesnt matter if it sucks or not. ive asked some people and theyve said it was good.
Its not like im in a high grade level or something. I think its good for someone my age but thats my opinion and i respect yours too^^
though....this wouldnt really be your opinion would it? ^^;;

[Lixie]

Hmm I read it and the idea behind it is pretty good, though your writing can be better and just some general tweaking... also, is this meant to be a short story or a novel?

If it's a short story then the length of your introduction is fine, but if you're planning for this story to be longer than say.. 15 pages, you will need a longer intro to draw the reader into the story first.

And I have no idea how old you are, but this looks like the stuff I would've written when I was 10, and if you're somewhere around there, you're progressing pretty well.

If you don't mind, could I edit it and show you the alternate version to fully explain how you could improve it?

LOL and tom has high standards so he won't like it... but no point for you to worry about what he thinks. :)

[narutoIZZAbest]

its a short story :P and you can improve it. ^^
It's due tomorrow though.>_>
Heres third page:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/uchiha_12/pagethreestory.jpg

[Lixie]

Well, seeing as it is the next day already..... UH I like late assignments.

[narutoIZZAbest]

lol doesnt matter you can still write it.^^
heres the next part of it
actually its the last part >_>
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v479/uchiha_12/page4story.jpg
if you cant read that last line tell me^^

[Fungus]

i like.

but yeah, it could be done up a bit, like grammar and stuff like that.

its a good story.