[Mousie] I can has cheezeburger :3?

[Mousie]

I am totally against spam...but hey! I had to make one ^___^.

http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/tifagarnet/My%20Pictures/th_May08-01.jpgOh hai! :D I am Mousie! I am BlacKorean, 5'8", have black hair, and dark brown eyes =D! I have been a moderator for about 2-3years o.0.

If it is uncleared as to what I do inside the forums. Here is a brief summary. ^__^

The days I "assume my projections" (log into the Chaos) I do my regular ritual. I check my pm's and proceed to the secoret lair of dragon mods >:]! We r love in a box hax0ring your units ^___^. My general activity as of lately have been basic yet crucial. I normally spend time moving, closing, sticking, and unsticking threads. I also take the time to delete the ghost threads you see because the other mods forget to do so xD! Other times I spend updating certain 'announced' posts while browsing through certain parts of the forums.

I also play the part of "mean" mod because the other mods are too nice :3. I promise you I am not a mean person XD. But when an NC issue starts to arise me through MSN, expect fast action :p. (It still feels like yesterday when I was pursuing for Regina to be a regular mod ^__^. Now my baby is all grown up and has changed the forums to a degree where I sometimes feel like a blond @_@.)

I am very approachable and I am very open. Have a question? PM me! Have something you think needs to be looked at? PM me! But please do not flood me -.-. My inbox is still showing 92% full Q_Q! If there is something you want to get to me fast and furious like...my MSN is located either in my MSN Clan thread or my NC Profile ^__^.

Although I am generally a patient person, I have zero tolerance for flame :p. So please keep it to a minimal if you can't keep it to a zero at all ^__^.

===============================================
A little bit of IRL of Mousie.
My life outside forums? I typically feel like a house wife o_o. Even though I have yet to be someone's wife. (But that may change :o! So I can't say when it may change xD.) The reason I feel this way is because.....long ago I made a thread entitled "Nephrectomy" (http://forum.narutochaos.com/showthread.php?t=6814&highlight=Nephrectomy). Back in 06, my mother was diagnosed with a stage IV Kidney Cancer. (Stage IV is the max stage for any cancer.) I opened up a vunerable part of my life to NC, and I have received a lot of support which I will always be thankful for :3. CRTwenty <3 and JoshAries especially. For calling me every so often to see how I was doing :3. (Oh...and how could I forget NNT for the sensitive side of his posting habits ;) ; Even some of the people I have been having light arguments with lately ^_~.)

After first, she was ok. But her condition has worsened. So I am home all day taking care of her. I've had to quit going to school and working altogether. My mother used to be an open water diver, 1st degree black belt in taekwondo, and an all around athletic woman, who was used to doing a lot of things on her own. This active beautiful woman has now lost mobility. She is bed ridden and needs someone at home to take care of her as well as the house. Which means me. She can sit up, think clearly, and wave her arms like shes having a party. But she is unable to walk and always in pain.

My moms diagnoses as of now is Stage IV Metastatic Hemangiopericytoma, a rare breed of cancer. (Happens, from what her Doctor said, in less that 1% of America's population.) I have pretty much reached the point of acceptance. So I do my best to make my mother as comfortable as possible, while living a little with friends. I am home all day, and out galavanting at night. >:D
===============================================

I do spend time working out, writing blogs, making vlogs on YouTube, socializing with friends and family, and of course...a lot of house work xD! Lucky for me...doctors say my stress level is fine and I am not insane. lol (Even though I beg to differ ;). I can be a little crazy..:) but it makes people laugh ^^. So it's all good! XD You should hear me lolspeak XD. It's hilarious and brings out the inner dork!

So there is the gist of it. Who Mousie is and what she does. ^__^. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask =D!

Till then
~Smooches,
Mousie

P.S. BEWBS FTW!!! ( .y. )

[Dream Catcher]

After we fix your spelling mistakes you'll be the belle of the ball :D

But on a serious note.. sorry to hear about your mom. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to go through such a thing, but it's good that you're accepting it now and are there for your mom. My mom's friend was diagnosed with cancer recently and I already feel bad/sad both because my mom is probably stressed out and it's just a bad thing to witness, I guess.

Either way, good thing you're there for your mom.

[Katzyn]

Meowsie~<3

Lol, yeah her lolspeak is so funny and cute~

Also, Meowsie is one of my most favourite people...She's so caring and her heart is so big...SO BE NICE TO HER.

<33333

[Itachi4ever]

You sound like an awesome person. I'm sorry of what happened to your mom, if that was my mom I would have done the same thing. Is there anything the doctors can do to help her? My german teacher has cancer and she had surgery done to remove some of it a week ago. (well... that's what she said to everyone.)

[DBZWarrior6582]

YAY MOUSIE, WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hope to hear more form you on here because you have a very interesting life.

Also Mousie is the nicest Mod and I'm the complete opposite of her, I'm the meanie of the forums.

[Kristi]

Aw Mousie youre so pretty! ^^ Im really sorry to hear about your Mom though :( to be honest i cant even begin to imagine how devistating that must be..or even how hard it must be to give everything up like that. I know alot of people say "oh yeah Id give up everything to take care of my family" but theres a huge difference between saying youd do it and actually doing it. I really admire you for doing that and both you and your mom must be really strong women ^^ And im sure your mom must feel like the luckiest woman in the world for having a daughter who loves her enough to do all the things you do for her :) Hopefully well be hearing more updates from you since youve become more active on nc again ^_^ and Haha bewbies! XD

[Mousie]

After we fix your spelling mistakes you'll be the belle of the ball :D

But on a serious note.. sorry to hear about your mom. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to go through such a thing, but it's good that you're accepting it now and are there for your mom. My mom's friend was diagnosed with cancer recently and I already feel bad/sad both because my mom is probably stressed out and it's just a bad thing to witness, I guess.

Either way, good thing you're there for your mom.

Hey...its a forum not an essay, it doesn't need to perfect :P.

I appreciate your post <3. I think the hard part is over really. Which I would have to say, was when her legs were giving out. There was an occasion where my mother couldn't lift herself anymore to get on the wheelchair and she started to cry really hard :(. Thats when I experienced true heartbreak. But like I said =3. That for me was the hard part.

Do you have any idea as what kind of cancer your mom's friend has? I did a ton of research and even signed up for a few forums for people to cope with each one. If there is a resource you are looking for I wouldn't mind directing you towards it =D.

Meowsie~<3

Lol, yeah her lolspeak is so funny and cute~

Also, Meowsie is one of my most favourite people...She's so caring and her heart is so big...SO BE NICE TO HER.

<33333

at start =D no has lyte! and ceiling cat says, I can has lyte? and lyte was ^__^

I love you too kitty :3.

You sound like an awesome person. I'm sorry of what happened to your mom, if that was my mom I would have done the same thing. Is there anything the doctors can do to help her? My german teacher has cancer and she had surgery done to remove some of it a week ago. (well... that's what she said to everyone.)

There is nothing more that can be done for my mother. Chemo failed, they cannot do surgery on her, nor are there any other treatments she can receive that could save her. All they can do if give her palliative care, and make sure her pain level is zero, and shes comfortable as possible. She is even labeled as "terminal" but doctors wont gives us an estimate of "how long". My mothers doctors explained to us that this could be where she is at for 3 months to 10 years.

I hope your teacher is doing fine now :3. Cancer was always a big thing but gravity of the effect does not hit you until someone really close to you gets it T_T. So I pray this doesn't happen to anyone else.

YAY MOUSIE, WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

Hope to hear more form you on here because you have a very interesting life.

Also Mousie is the nicest Mod and I'm the complete opposite of her, I'm the meanie of the forums.

Eh? I guess I should copy and paste of my blogs for you to read hmm? ^-^.
And you are no meanie XD. You just look mean cause of your avatar XD

[Arty]

I guess i can somewhat relate to you in one way or another ^^

In my opinion there is no hard or easy part though , to me seeing a person you care about gradually loose life is bad whenever.

I remember having posted befor she got analized. Im sorry to hear it turned out this way.

I wish you and your mom the greatest time but i urge you to think about your future. Im sure you mother would love if you studied out-side of school.

From the depths of my heart i wish your mom the greatest time of her life.

[Dream Catcher]

My mom's friend has pancreatic cancer -_

[Mousie]

Aw Mousie youre so pretty! ^^ Im really sorry to hear about your Mom though :( to be honest i cant even begin to imagine how devistating that must be..or even how hard it must be to give everything up like that. I know alot of people say "oh yeah Id give up everything to take care of my family" but theres a huge difference between saying youd do it and actually doing it. I really admire you for doing that and both you and your mom must be really strong women ^^ And im sure your mom must feel like the luckiest woman in the world for having a daughter who loves her enough to do all the things you do for her :) Hopefully well be hearing more updates from you since youve become more active on nc again ^_^ and Haha bewbies! XD

>:O! How could I have missed this! A really sweet post :3. <3!

It was hard to give up everything I was "planning" on doing. I was majoring in computer science and aiming to get a certificate in cosmetology O_O. But I felt that school will always be there, no matter what age you are. :3 Not to mention I would have probably regretted not doing it because you know moms :3. They helped create us ^-^. My mom does try to her best to say "thank you" and how much she appreciates all I do for her. <3 Even if she didn't appreciate it I will always love my mommy. :3 No matter what. ( .y. )

I guess i can somewhat relate to you in one way or another ^^

In my opinion there is no hard or easy part though , to me seeing a person you are about gradually loose life is bad whenever.

I remember having posted befor she got analized. Im sorry to hear it turned out this way.

I wish you and your mom the greatest time but i urge you to think about your future. Im sure you mother would love if you studied out-side of school.

From the depths of my heart i wish your mom the greatest time of her life.

I agree. Death by loved ones are never easy and I'm sure I'll be a wreck when it is time for those close to me, go. It is a part of life but my goal with mom is how shes living it full of fun, not contemplating death. In fact, if you have heard desecretions views of death...I would say my mom and him were related in another life >.>. It's kind of FREAKY O_O. And I do remember your post :3. Cause I was reading it earlier XD. There are days my mom feels sorry for me. She keeps urging me to go out and have fun which is why I say I galavant at night XD. (Night time and weekends is when my dad is home so shes never alone :3.)

In terms of my future, I have thought about online college stuff...but God its an arse load of paper work -.-. Not to mention I do plan to take a trip the U.S. to visit CR and Josh, maybe even DBZ, AD, Kitty....and also the man who made a romantic gesture of saying he would wanted me to be the one he wakes up to every morning XD. Not now of course. Life is too busy but someday ^_^.

And thank you for your post Arty. I really appreciate it :3. You should show this sweet side more ^_~.

My mom's friend has pancreatic cancer -_

A forum you may want to show your mom is Rare Cancer Alliance (http://survivor-support.rare-cancer.org/forum/) They actually put you in "designated areas" for you so you don't have to skim through everything. It helps to encourage people for the possibility of cure, and how to make it easier to cope with.
One informative site to visit would be WD (http://wrongdiagnosis.com/c/cancer/intro.htm). It basically gives you an easy to read, narrowed down version of what is it :3.
PC.ORG (http://www.pancreatica.org/) NCI (http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/pancreatic) PC (http://www.mdanderson.org/diseases/pancreas/)
I strongly suggest you go to American Cancer Society (http://www.cancer.org/docroot/home/index.asp) because you can order books for free for home reference. Whats good to eat, how to make you mom deal with it better and such.
Also one of sites I listed enables you to actually chat online with nurses and/or specialist who you can ask ANYTHING and they will to their best to answer questions. A few things you may want to give your mom or her friend :3.

[Dream Catcher]

Thnx for the links

[Itachi4ever]

There is nothing more that can be done for my mother. Chemo failed, they cannot do surgery on her, nor are there any other treatments she can receive that could save her. All they can do if give her palliative care, and make sure her pain level is zero, and shes comfortable as possible. She is even labeled as "terminal" but doctors wont gives us an estimate of "how long". My mothers doctors explained to us that this could be where she is at for 3 months to 10 years.

I hope your teacher is doing fine now :3. Cancer was always a big thing but gravity of the effect does not hit you until someone really close to you gets it T_T. So I pray this doesn't happen to anyone else.


ahh well, right now she's up and running (always giving us homework and stuff), however she did complain that she had multiple headaches after the surgery was over. (btw if you do have cancer, can the doctors completely remove it if you have the operation?)

I'm really sorry mousie, I would advise going to other doctors to seek their opinion just in case, but if you really trust who you have now than that's okay. (my mom had something wrong with her before and she went to 2different doctors because 1 of them said that she was okay while the other said that she had something wrong with her.)

But your right though, I pray that something good can happen to you and your mom.

[Katzyn]

It depends on WHERE the cancer is...In the lungs, it's pretty hard to take out. Some tissues, like the pancreas, if I'm not mistaken, can grow back after you take off the tumour. So, it really does matter where it is...

Meowsie would know more than I, since she's done all the research...

[Hidden Ninja]

if i remember correctly no cancer truly goes away, everyone can have a relapse.

wow, i must say mousie it takes a strong will for a young person to not only be able to help their mother, but to sacrifice themselves to the extent that you have. there are many that can begin to do that but quit after they can't be deal with it for whatever reason. what is even more amazing is that you assimilated this as a part of your life and are able to lead a normal/semi-normal life evenso.

it is probably because of you and your family's attitude that has given your mother the reassurance to not give up.

[Mousie]

To Itachi4ever If a cancer is just concentrated on one place, it can be removed with surgery. Especially if it is in the "tumor" phase. However, it can grow back if they do not get it all out, even if it is a microscopic piece. Sometimes, target chemo therapy will be advised to kill the cancer completely.

My mothers cancer is a rare one. It's a slow growth, wide-spread type. There is a history of my mothers health. To narrow it down, back in the 90's, my mom had a brain tumor. They removed it and it grew back 6yrs later with a single spot on her lung. That tumor was taken out and she was order to have x-rays of her chest every 6months. (Course...this is where doctors neglect my mother. She gets ONE x-ray and no follow-up whatsoever. This is the part that made my mother so angry.) She had regular checkups often...but no x-rays.

Five years later, she had a massive growth on her kidney. Also, what was once ONE spot on her lung, turned into many spots on her lungs.

But the original origin of the growth...was from the very first one that started in her brain. So my mothers cancer situation is extremely complex.

To Hidden Ninja Very True. There is no "cure" to cancer, somewhat. (I say somewhat because I have a book titled "Natural Cures They Don't Want You to Know About by Kevin Trudeau. I highly recommend it ^_^.) Just procedures to prevent it, monitor it, slow it down, and remove it and hopes it does not grow back. However, there are some cases where people were lucky and cancers have dissolved and people were "cured".

[Katzyn]

My friend's mother apparently had breast cancer, which was "cured" using holistic methods.

[Arty]

... There is no cure for cancer ...

Only prevention.

In some cases of liver cancer the cancer can be stopped by simply chopping of the infected part since its a self-restoring organ.

Even so the chances of it appearing again are high and having your liver chopped in half every now and then aint exactly the greatest thing. Said to be extremly painful.

Still , you can keep a person with a bad liver alive for a long time , but its alot of work and not something everyone can go through.

[Kristi]

>:O! How could I have missed this! A really sweet post :3. <3!

It was hard to give up everything I was "planning" on doing. I was majoring in computer science and aiming to get a certificate in cosmetology O_O. But I felt that school will always be there, no matter what age you are. :3 Not to mention I would have probably regretted not doing it because you know moms :3. They helped create us ^-^. My mom does try to her best to say "thank you" and how much she appreciates all I do for her. <3 Even if she didn't appreciate it I will always love my mommy. :3 No matter what. ( .y. )




oooo haha thats cool ^_^ i used to want to study computer science, but when it actually came down to learning it I got so confused lol =/ but yeah, thankfully schools one of those things thats always there no matter how old you are XD so that shouldnt be a problem for you then ^^ and yeah moms rock! :D

oh, and I hope your mommy had a happy mothers day yesterday ^_^ <3

[estranged]

http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m135/estranged_2006/atenkitteh.jpg

[Katzyn]

... There is no cure for cancer ...

Only prevention.

In some cases of liver cancer the cancer can be stopped by simply chopping of the infected part since its a self-restoring organ.

Even so the chances of it appearing again are high and having your liver chopped in half every now and then aint exactly the greatest thing. Said to be extremly painful.

Still , you can keep a person with a bad liver alive for a long time , but its alot of work and not something everyone can go through.

That's why I said "apparently". I love my friend and her family, but some of the things they say just doesn't make sense to me...They've also told me that the eldest sister had polio, which was also "cured" (she seems to get sick with colds ALL the time...I'm not sure if this is related, but they say it is.)...And she doesn't take meds to keep it under control. =x

I personally think their doctor is a quack (my friend told me he tested her HAIR and found that she had a bad biliary problem...My friend is here with me in CO, and her doc is back in Hawaii. I'm not sure how they think that's possible...). My friend gets sicker than I do, usually, so I don't see how this is helping her any. =P

But, there are highly-respected teachers at my vet tech school who believe in holistic methods, so I'm -trying- to open my mind to this...

[ScareCrow]

Hi Mousie. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm back. One of the reasons I haven't been on NC is because I found out that my grandfather was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I can relate to what you're going through, and I thought the same thoughts you were having. My grandparents took care of me from when I was born until I was 5... so to me they're my real parents, not my parents. My grandfather went on daily hikes for 3 hours. I thought he would never get sick.... but it did and it sucks.

The difference between your situation and mine is that my grandfather is on the other side of the world, so I can't be there for him. I know it's hard for me to comfort you through a computer screen, but know that you're not alone.

-Scarecrow

[NarutoNineTails]

My NC 여동생! ㅋㅋㅋ ;)

Glad u r back and active a bit. :P

[Chidongan]

Jesus Gonzales!! I love you Mousie-kins!! ^_^ <3

[Katzyn]

Jesus Gonzales!! I love you Mousie-kins!! ^_^ <3

Who doesn't? ;D

Meowsie, where have you been all day? I wanted to give you an important tip!

Never try to pull on pantyhose when your legs are still slightly moist from the shower! =D

[Chidongan]

Who doesn't? ;D

Meowsie, where have you been all day? I wanted to give you an important tip!

Never try to pull on pantyhose when your legs are still slightly moist from the shower! =D

Giggle-muffin!! :O

I missed you!! <33 Are you back for good? :o

Did you just take a shower?! :O

*Slowly slides hands down his pants*

[Katzyn]

Yes, I am back for good! <3333

No, my shower was HOURS ago. ;D So get your hands out of your pants. ^~^ Perv.

[Mousie]

Kristi: It wasn't the best Mother's Day, but we did make it special :3.

estranged: Hurray for Ceiling Cat >=D

ScareCrow: I am so sorry about your grandfather :(. On a lighter note, it's great to see how much you care about him and what you think of him :3. I met only ONE of my grandparents and that was from my mother side. And WB!

NarutoNineTails: I'm always doing something ^^

Chidongan ZOMG I LUFF j00 BACK! <3

Katzyn: Girl pls...I live on Guam. I have absolutely no reason to wear pantyhose LOL

[Katzyn]

Katzyn: Girl pls...I live on Guam. I have absolutely no reason to wear pantyhose LOL

"Hot and humid" my ass. >_>

<3333 JK, my dear. <333

[Chidongan]

Chidongan ZOMG I LUFF j00 BACK! <3

Yay!! ^_^ My two years of regularing NC has finally paid off. <33

Katzyn: Girl pls...I live on Guam. I have absolutely no reason to wear pantyhose LOL

Ditto for panties? Please say yes, please say yes. :O

[ScareCrow]

My NC 여동생! ㅋㅋㅋ ;)

Glad u r back and active a bit. :P

Were you referring to me or someone else? And do those Korean characters mean? I have some Korean friends so I know it's Korean.... but I'm clueless otherwise.



ScareCrow: I am so sorry about your grandfather :(. On a lighter note, it's great to see how much you care about him and what you think of him :3. I met only ONE of my grandparents and that was from my mother side. And WB!


*hugs*

That sucks that you didn't get to know all of your grandparents... and thanks for the WB.

[NarutoNineTails]

That korean was for mousie not u scarecrow.

여동생 = little sis

ㅋㅋㅋ = hahaha

[ScareCrow]

Oh... okay... so I guess that means I'm not worthy of your welcome. *Does the korean thing that means hahaha*

[Mousie]

NNT think he is my "oppa" haha XD. To explain it better, it would the Japanese saying to "oniisan". :3

To make things a bit more interesting. Here is a link to one of my YouTube Vlogs ^_^.

ZOMG I'm still here/12yr old water bill?/Korean 101 counting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geYTLsj6j5k

[Irv]

i just watched your 12yr old water bill vlog...thats crazy...keep up the vlogs...will watch more of them

p.s. sorry about your moms...even tho we dont talk on here(hopefully that will change), i got your back if you need me :D

[Mousie]

i just watched your 12yr old water bill vlog...thats crazy...keep up the vlogs...will watch more of them

p.s. sorry about your moms...even tho we dont talk on here(hopefully that will change), i got your back if you need me :D

Will do! And sweeeeet ^____^

[Lukasz]

. *Does the korean thing that means hahaha*

KEKEKEKEKE???


and you didn't answer chido's question.... I would really like to hear your answer.

[Mousie]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!

[Irv]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!


i'm so happy that i just popped in here


Mousie is teh fine dyme!!!!!

[Katzyn]

Omg, Mousie. XD Too bad Chido's not on~

[*Ichee*]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!

Thats how Master Ichee trained you, it seems things haven't change.

[Lukasz]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!

thank you!
:yo:

[Kristi]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t! Lol i think you just made all of Chidos dreams come true! XD

[Eyeshield 21]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!

I am a man who doesnt believe in anything unless given proff.. so.. :p

but nice to know how you talk to us NCrs :D

[NarutoNineTails]

Your counting pronunciation is pretty good in korean Mousie. I found one thing you can improve on.

Your 10 sound closer to yol than yeol. ;)

Sorry to hear about the water bill.

[Chidongan]

I'm not wearing panties right now XD! w00t!
*Takes off clothes*

Now we're even. ^_^

I like where this is going. ^_^
Omg, Mousie. XD Too bad Chido's not on~
My "Mousie's-not-wearing-panties senses" were tingling, I thought something was up. ^_^
Thats how Master Ichee trained you, it seems things haven't change.
Banned again, I see. Things really don't change.
Lol i think you just made all of Chidos dreams come true! XD

She went above and beyond my dreams. ^_^

[tsunade ^_^]

buahhaahah. Chido, just for juu i see. Nice one mous hehehhe :lol:

[Mousie]

Your counting pronunciation is pretty good in korean Mousie. I found one thing you can improve on.

Your 10 sound closer to yol than yeol. ;)

Sorry to hear about the water bill.

My pronunciations are fine XD! Anytime I'm vlogging I seem to slur my words English or not for some odd reason >.>. Prolly cause I feel under pressure when vlogging.

[NarutoNineTails]

I just mentioned 1 out of the 20 things you pronounced that could be improved upon...that would fall under good no? :P

You should be thanking me. I'm just trying to help you girl. ;)

[Arty]

Im not suprised you feeling pressure with me on the forum <.<

btw , girls are commando all the time :D you just dont know it.

I say having mousie admit it is a big step towards public commando acceptance.

Thumbs up for Mousie and her Commando Views.

[KageNaruto]

Hooray for commando!

[the lost shinobi]

Wow Mousie I didn't know anything about your mom. I can sort of relate because my mom also had cancer, but thankfully her cancer wasn't too advanced and they took out her thyroid gland before it spread. She is on hormones for the rest of her life now, since she has no Thyroid gland. She has bad days, good days, and really bad days. Some days she has real bad nausea and throws up all day, really splitting headaches and sometimes she just can't get up from bed. My mom also used to be the energetic one who took us to the park everyday, but since her cancer she's been real mellow. My little sister (4 yo) hasn't gotten to experience the same mother I did and it makes me sad to see the both of them. Both are missing out on a lot. All in all though I think we came out of the ordeal fairly well so not much complaints. :o

While your mother's condition is much more serious than my mom's, just know that if you ever need a shoulder to lean on I'll be there for you. I can empathize with you. I think you are really brave for staying with your mom and almost putting a halt to your life for her sake. It's not very often someone can do that and it takes a really special person to really do that. I really do admire your courage.

All I can say is that I stand up and applaud your actions and send you a big e-hug! hang in there! my best wishes to your mom

[ScareCrow]

Not to spam or anything, but my korean friend called me a shee ball sekki when I beat him in Madden today... He just yelled it out of nowhere when I scored a Hail Mary touchdown in the last minute of the 4th quarter. He scared the living daylights out of me and caused me to say "wtf?" in a very confused voice. What does it mean?

[Mousie]

Wow Mousie I didn't know anything about your mom. I can sort of relate because my mom also had cancer, but thankfully her cancer wasn't too advanced and they took out her thyroid gland before it spread. She is on hormones for the rest of her life now, since she has no Thyroid gland. She has bad days, good days, and really bad days. Some days she has real bad nausea and throws up all day, really splitting headaches and sometimes she just can't get up from bed. My mom also used to be the energetic one who took us to the park everyday, but since her cancer she's been real mellow. My little sister (4 yo) hasn't gotten to experience the same mother I did and it makes me sad to see the both of them. Both are missing out on a lot. All in all though I think we came out of the ordeal fairly well so not much complaints. :o

While your mother's condition is much more serious than my mom's, just know that if you ever need a shoulder to lean on I'll be there for you. I can empathize with you. I think you are really brave for staying with your mom and almost putting a halt to your life for her sake. It's not very often someone can do that and it takes a really special person to really do that. I really do admire your courage.

All I can say is that I stand up and applaud your actions and send you a big e-hug! hang in there! my best wishes to your mom

more e-hugs pls :3.

I can pretty much say I have some good days I have some bad days. I wake up sometimes just wanted to stay in bed cause Im always so exhausted D:. Then I have days where I wake up and Im just like...ok! what do I have to do today with a smile on face.

Not to spam or anything, but my korean friend called me a shee ball sekki when I beat him in Madden today... He just yelled it out of nowhere when I scored a Hail Mary touchdown in the last minute of the 4th quarter. He scared the living daylights out of me and caused me to say "wtf?" in a very confused voice. What does it mean?

All you need to know is that its a bad word XD. similar to "you arsehole" :p lol

[Chidongan]

===============================================
A little bit of IRL of Mousie.
My life outside forums? I typically feel like a house wife o_o. Even though I have yet to be someone's wife. (But that may change :o! So I can't say when it may change xD.) The reason I feel this way is because.....long ago I made a thread entitled "Nephrectomy" (http://forum.narutochaos.com/showthread.php?t=6814&highlight=Nephrectomy). Back in 06, my mother was diagnosed with a stage IV Kidney Cancer. (Stage IV is the max stage for any cancer.) I opened up a vunerable part of my life to NC, and I have received a lot of support which I will always be thankful for :3. CRTwenty <3 and JoshAries especially. For calling me every so often to see how I was doing :3. (Oh...and how could I forget NNT for the sensitive side of his posting habits ;) ; Even some of the people I have been having light arguments with lately ^_~.)

After first, she was ok. But her condition has worsened. So I am home all day taking care of her. I've had to quit going to school and working altogether. My mother used to be an open water diver, 1st degree black belt in taekwondo, and an all around athletic woman, who was used to doing a lot of things on her own. This active beautiful woman has now lost mobility. She is bed ridden and needs someone at home to take care of her as well as the house. Which means me. She can sit up, think clearly, and wave her arms like shes having a party. But she is unable to walk and always in pain.

My moms diagnoses as of now is Stage IV Metastatic Hemangiopericytoma, a rare breed of cancer. (Happens, from what her Doctor said, in less that 1% of America's population.) I have pretty much reached the point of acceptance. So I do my best to make my mother as comfortable as possible, while living a little with friends. I am home all day, and out galavanting at night. >:D
===============================================


I remember when you made that thread, Mousie, but I never got a chance to read about your mothers condition throughly. I'm very sorry about whats happening to your mother, I can't even imagine being in that situation (your mothers or yours). And I honestly think you're incredible for being able to sacrifice so much for your mother, and I hope she gets better soon. If you ever need moral support, I'm always here, as is all of NC I'm sure.


http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y127/Fobulicious/Animated/43.gif

-Chido

[Mousie]

aww chido! :3 Thank you, I hope she gets better too. But doctors are not telling us that its possible.

...and to everyone else who made such sweet posts. :3 I hope no one else has to go through what I am going through. It is hard and frustrating. Thanks again ^_^

[NarutoNineTails]

The fact that you are more active here recently is a sign that u r holding up not too bad. I really hope your 어머님 gets better and better. ;)

[Mousie]

I'm really tired ;_;.

My dad has gone off island for a week and I feels like crying because I am so tired ;_;. And it's only the second day.

I wish I had a maid or something @_@.

Taking care of my mom alone is taking it's toll on my body >_<. I feel like I do what I usually do...only with a lot less sleep D:.

saaaave me tom cruiiise

[Nick]

saaaave me tom cruiiise

he's busy being a closet fag with his other scientology fudge packer friends. You'll just have to settle for me.

[Arty]

Maids cant be that expensive Mousie :(

I could give ya one >.<

[Katzyn]

Poor Meowsie~love. <3333 I hope this week goes by quickly for you and your mom. I know how annoyed and tired I get off taking care of my mother, and she's only partially handicapped. I can't imagine how straining this must be for you.

By the way, did your brother ever make it to your house...yesterday, was it? Ugh, I'm getting so lost in the days....

[i_feel_tiredsleepy]

Hmm a maid service is like 15 dollars an hour here, it can be pretty expensive, unless you find an someone who doesn't work for a company and pay them less than minimum wage in cash. We don't have many illegal immigrants in Montreal though, so that's difficult to do, also you open yourself up to liabilities if you don't use a bonded service. (I have a feeling there aren't many people willing to work for nothing in Guam either)

[Mousie]

he's busy being a closet fag with his other scientology fudge packer friends. You'll just have to settle for me.

Tom Cruise is a douche :p what can I say? But the saying it really funny when you hear me say it XD

Maids cant be that expensive Mousie :(
I could give ya one >.<

Man I wish I could take one from you Q_Q. It's already Thursday and I am tired as hell. I don't even get to watch Fire Works at midnight for July 4th :(.

Poor Meowsie~love. <3333 I hope this week goes by quickly for you and your mom. I know how annoyed and tired I get off taking care of my mother, and she's only partially handicapped. I can't imagine how straining this must be for you.

By the way, did your brother ever make it to your house...yesterday, was it? Ugh, I'm getting so lost in the days....

No, not yet. They need to do some reevaluation crap for whatever the heck reason, but he might be here tomorrow.

Hmm a maid service is like 15 dollars an hour here, it can be pretty expensive, unless you find an someone who doesn't work for a company and pay them less than minimum wage in cash. We don't have many illegal immigrants in Montreal though, so that's difficult to do, also you open yourself up to liabilities if you don't use a bonded service. (I have a feeling there aren't many people willing to work for nothing in Guam either)

We wouldn't need her like...every day. Not even my house is that dirty xD. But maybe like..once every two works or something Q_Q. Keep the burden off me you know? D:

And you are right, I'm Guam doesn't people willing to work for free either. But there is no way in hell I'm going to pay 15 dollars an hour lol. I'm cheap XD.

[Mousie]

I was able to get some adequate sleep today. But my day was full of funk.
It was weird. My mom did and said the strangest thing to me and I had no idea how to respond.

Scenario.
We were sitting down watching tv. My mom makes the gesture as if she was going to get up. She looks at me and scoffs saying, "heh..I was trying to stand up."

At first I thought she was high. My mom is on a lot of narcotics because she has pain 24/7. She is on Fentanyl patches, Oxycodone, liquid morphine, Benedryl (she got an allergic reaction so some antibiotic.), ativan....

So I really thought she was high. What even flabbergasted me more, was she asked me to come help her stand up. This is me...--> "WHaaa?? O_O"
She wanted me to help her stand up. Hmmm...so I went over to her and tried to help her stand. "Nope.." she said. "But I am going to keep trying. I think if I keep trying I think I will be able to."

I don't know if this makes me sad or happy. It was nice seeing her be optimistic. But I don't know if I am supposed to accept the reality of it or not.

I cried a few days ago asking for a miracle. Wishing I had one. Especially after watching a documentary with my mom a couple days ago about a woman who had a similar situation. She was given 6 months to live..but its already been a year. Cancer spread all over her body, chemo didn't work, Doctors said there was nothing more they could do. Documentary stated it was a medical miracle. (Which is how I came crying asking for one.)

The woman still has cancer, but she is doing a lot better than she was when she got diagnosed. She could barely walk...couldn't eat, sad, etc.

My mother can't walk at all.

I still don't know how am I supposed to feel. Even while I read the words I type at this moment. I feel like I want to be happy. But it's like, science is holding me back. Because the Doctors and Nurses keep telling me "it's going to get worse."

So my day is strange, I have no idea how I am supposed to feel, and I feel that I am supposed to do something. Or at least act a certain way.

Thanks for reading.

~Mousie

[Sozoku]

My Mom has stage IV Metastatic Breast cancer. It took a journey north to her bones, and stuck itself there, in a way to speak. She has about 2.0 years to live... Third time she's got cancer. I've got no father, divorce and abandonment, so I can relate pretty well, Mousie. You can has teh cheezeburger!
<3333

[Lolo]

@sozoku:i sighed everytime i read sth like this from u hun....hugs tight*
and mousie..sweetie u'd be fine too

[Kristi]

*Huggles Mousie and sozoku* im so sorry to hear that sozo :( i cant even imagine how hard that must be. im here to talk if u need me and take lots of care of your mommy <3 Mousie, im sorry to hear that youre in so much pain :( i cant even begin to imagine how u must feel in that situation and place rt now. did u talk to ur mom about it? it might help. ill always be here for u if u need me. please feel better soon <3

[Mousie]

I feel like a bad daughter -.-.

Lately I find myself more irritated at home especially when it comes to my mom's confusion. I repeat myself over and over and over again like I am trying to explain myself to an 11 year old (I feel :( ) to help my mom understand something and then I end up sniping at her. Not with smug comments or remarks but just a change in my tone when I talk to her about certain things. I get mad. Then...while I am in my room, I think back and how I said certain things and feel so guilty for getting mad at her.

Even though I DO feel somethings are at fault with the both of us, I feel I have no right to angry with her. Hence the guilty feeling >_<.

Gah...I feel like such a bad daughter Q_Q.

[the lost shinobi]

I know the feeling. You get mad at someone younger than you, way older than you, a parent, a sibling or someone less fortunate. And then later you look back and you feel "Wow. How much of a dick am I?" Even though at that moment you weren't being spiteful of them or getting angry for some perverse joy, later you still feel uber guilty, like you should have been in better control of yourself. That you are the one tasked with being the adult now, that you should handle everything with the utmost care regardless of the situation. Happens to me with my mom, and my 5 year old sister. My mom has moments where she means well, but she asks too many questions. Or at times she's sick and asks me to do lots of chores for her. At those times I get really angry and I yell at her to leave me alone. I don't mind helping my mom, I'd do anything for her, but not everything. sometimes shit gets to me and I snap at her. Later in the day when she's still uber pissed, I feel mad guilty. Why couldn't I just go out and buy the milk, or why didn't I just tell her where I'm going are somethings I ask myself. My younger sister is continuously breaking my stuff, no matter where I hide it. She also loves to ask an insane amount of questions. Why "everything" is her current phase. She's just so damn curious. I find myself yelling at her and sometimes even a small smack on her bottom. Sometimes she ends up crying, and then I feel the most uber guilt ever. I feel so bad for her. She's lonely and has noone to play with. Why did I have to be such a douchebag? Why didn't I just play with her for a while. Give her a smile and make her happy. That is the most guilty I ever feel.

I find that these feelings only happen because I live with my mom and sis. I never feel like this with my friends, because I don't live with them. I don't hang around them 24/7. However with family, it's inevitable. You will butt heads. I've still never solved this dillemma. Even though I accept it as a fact of life and try to control myself, shit still happens. I can't help fix your problem but I can tell you, you aren't alone. Everyone feels this, with varying degrees of guilt, so rejoice, you aren't the only douche in the world:biggrin1:!!

[Mousie]

OMG SHINOBI!!! Here am I thinking (while reading) Oooomg this is suuuch a sweet post. But then I get to the way way end and just burst out laughing. XD rofl!

But you are exactly on the mark. Given I don't need to go and buy milk x.x. But when it come's moving my mom's leg in certain positions or going back and forth to the kitchen to bring her something or even having to constantly remind her what day it is, what time it is, and if she took her medicine or not, they are where my snipes 'might' hit me. So thank you :3. For the sweet post...with the LOL at the end xD.

[the lost shinobi]

i had considered leaving the post without the last paragraph but it sounded like a eulogy. I find laughter helps in just about any situation except extreme anger. So i added it in just to make it more palatable. and you are most welcome for the post. I think words fail at anything more than your welcome.

[Mousie]

So life has just got harder for me.

My moms condition worsened about four weeks ago. All she does is sleep all day and when she speaks it's slurred. Not to mention she has not eaten anything and every time my dad and I try to give her her pain meds it's like talking to a brand new infant. She holds the pills in her mouth or she spits them out etc etc.

I've talked to the nurses about IVY and tube feeding and when they get back to me, they say she's showing signs of imminent death. Telling me her body is slowly shutting down and the body has a way of getting what it needs. First they say IVY fluids is a bad idea because it has no where to go causing her body to just swell. (Same goes for tube feeding).

On the other hand, they tell me her bowels (stomach) are still in great working condition.

Because of the known fact that her bowels are still active and she still has urine coming out of her (and bowel movements), why NOT get the ivy fluids or the tube feeding?

With all the talk the nurses are giving me and that fact that my moms doctor changed her prognosis from 6 months to 2-6 weeks makes me angry. It makes me feel like shes going to die sooner because shes being starved to death.

I am tired of hearing ASSUMPTIONS that the cancer spread or certain vocabulary used such as "I think", "it's probably because", and "maybe". I don't want to hear crap like "I think the cancer spread" or "It's probably because of the spread" or "maybe it spread...." To me, it's the same as saying "I don't know."

So I sent moms doctor and e-mail asking for information regarding her cancer. It's been a week and I still have not received a reply. Instead! The day I after I sent the e-mail I get a call from a psych doctor. My appointment to see this psych doctor is Wednesday 8 am. Which is tomorrow for me. I anticipate the visit....but then again...would it good to say now I am a crazy person?

[Arty]

I'm at school right now so i can't give you a full post just yet Mousie ^^

Im sad to hear about your Mother. But she has bin fighting the sarcoma for atleast a year , its pretty remarkable.

I'm not sure what the situation is right now but would it not be for the better to request hospital care now that she is reaching this state?

Ive bin and i am going through similar things right now. As you have probabily heard so many times but... Its going to be okey and i urge you to start thinking about your own future.

[the lost shinobi]

first of all a giant hug
I teared when I read your post. I haven't been this sad since I found out my grandma died. My grandmother had a very similar predicament. She had multiple diseases at one time and the doctors were at a loss concerning how to treat her. My family never got the explanantion they wanted. My grandma was a small and frail woman and the fact that she was having Renal and Liver failure coupled with her chronic asthma wasn't helping the doctors any. They ended up stuffing her body with cortisone for her inflammation and in the end that was all they could do. I sympathize with you there, I really do. My dad yelled at the doctors so many times the doctors wouldn't talk to him sometimes.

And when my uncle died from Hepatitis, it was also a slow decent. Everyone went to the hospital in shifts to spend time with him. My once athletic muscular powerful uncle was reduced to a shell constantly under covers because he was cold. He got winded from short walks and had to quit his mechanic job because it was too physical. His son, my cousin, had to work in his stead to supplement the money our family gave him. My Uncle was a proud man and never accepted money from anyone ever. But when he got sick he called my dad, from Egypt and asked for money. That clue was the breaking point. I know my uncle had handed in the towel. I know my uncle better than anyone and for him to make a long distance call to borrow money, I knew his position was serious. He recently passed away and I don't feel like saying anymore about that.

Do not hate the doctors Mousie. They have spent their lives learning their jobs and have dedicated the remaining part of their lives to treating others. They wouldn't give up. I believe the doctors told you from the beginning that they would be treating your mother not curing her. You should know that while we have greatly improved our treatment of cancer we still have a ways to go. I think at one point the doctors just had too many symptoms to treat and they didn't know what to do. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, I'm not scolding you in any way. Just don't hate the doctors, they know their job, and part of it is only telling you the most important parts and leaving out the details. They don't want to tell you how much the cancer has spread etc... They don't want you to go to your mother and think of nothing but the cancer. They will shield you from any info tha isn't necessary. Believe me, the doctors care.

The doctors have a reason for not giving her IVY fluids. just remember that. They don't want to make your mom suffer.

Go to the phsyc doctor Mousie. Tell him everything. Pour it all out. the doctor will help you sort out your emotions, you'll get an opportunity to vent all your excess feelings.

I am amazingly sad for you and don't want to bother telling you any more cliches about doors that open. Death is something everyon has to experience on their own. The death of a parent is for everyone a day they hate to see. I myself am dreading the day I get a call to tell me my mom or dad are dying. Just remember that your parent wouldn't have it any other way. Your mom wants to see you outlive her. Talk to her, and don't let her go easily. (fuck I'm tearing up again :(). If she can hear you I'm sure she wants to know you're there for her. I never got over the death of my uncle and grandma, but I did learn to accept it over time. I have nothing more to say it's just that this is as far as my experiences allow me to write. Oh god Mousie, I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. *hug*

http://www.blazerscats.com/kittens.jpg

[Mousie]

I attended my meeting with Ms. Mahony. (The psych doctor.)

I told her everything that was on my mind and how I felt about the situation. She asked me questions about things I may have struggled with in life, and what I struggle with now. We even got into a discussion about religion. (I had to fill out a four page paper and I wrote Agnostic as my "religion".) It was a rather nice discussion I must say. While I sat and spoke with Ms. Mahony, an intern from the local University sat in with us as well. Listening and seeing what she may have to deal with later on when she is on her career path. Her name is Francis.

The very last thing on the four page paper I had to fill out prior to the meeting asked for three goals. Three goals that I may wish to accomplish by seeing this doctor. I only had two written down. 1.) Understanding the situation better in terms of why am I seeing a Psych Doctor. 2.) Answers.

The result of the meeting was this. Ms. Mahony told me she had NO diagnosis for me. She said I was actually handling it fairly well in a surprised tone considering my age. She told me she completely understood what I was going through because she lost her mother to cancer. She said I was a very opinionated person with a good head on my shoulders and that she would actually LOVE to have me on her advocacy team. However, although I am not a crazy person, she did recommend that I do see a counselor just to get things off my chest and hopes I could be heard. I should not have to be left with unanswered questions. Because she did feel I was being left in the dark about some of the things the doctors were saying. She also said that she hopes I meet someone who can advocate for me and be there to speak to me objectively so that I wouldn't feel so alone or empty or without hope.

She understood why I felt the way I did about the doctors and she does believe some of the things they tell me are vague.

At the end of the meeting, Francis gave me her contact number and said the University offers ten free sessions of counseling, and she hopes to hear from me soon. I thanked her but I still debating if I should take advantage of the offer or not.

========================

One of the goals I wrote was met. It was the first one. 1.) Understanding the situation better in terms of why am I seeing a Psych Doctor.

Ms. Mahony is grateful that my mom's doctor referred my dad and I to see psych doctors because they are supposed to be a team, even if the individuals themselves do not think they need to see one.

My goal was met in a sense of I know why and how I was called and asked to see Ms. Mahony. My second goals has yet to be accomplished.

========================

Im sad to hear about your Mother. But she has bin fighting the sarcoma for atleast a year , its pretty remarkable.

I was recently told by the owner of the home care company that my mother has been alive as long as she has because she has a strong heart. It's probably what is keeping her going.

I'm not sure what the situation is right now but would it not be for the better to request hospital care now that she is reaching this state?

We have home care with hospice concept. It's been stated and issued that my mother's choice was to pass at home. There is a respite room available to us, however we have to have a DNR sign which is another issue I'm having problems with.

Ive bin and i am going through similar things right now. As you have probabily heard so many times but... Its going to be okey and i urge you to start thinking about your own future.

I honestly do not think it's going to be ok nor get better. I do believe with years it may get easier...but I am not certain. I've recently contacted an old classmate from high school who lost his father. We've made plans to meet up for coffee and have a chat. Hopefully this may widen my mind a bit more.

I've thought about my future...I honestly don't know if I have the strength to find work while trying to get through mourning quickly considering (according to the nurses) I'm in the state of grieving, but I do know for certain I want to be sent somewhere far away from Guam for at least a month.

======================

first of all a giant hug
I teared when I read your post. I haven't been this sad since I found out my grandma died. My grandmother had a very similar predicament. She had multiple diseases at one time and the doctors were at a loss concerning how to treat her. My family never got the explanantion they wanted. My grandma was a small and frail woman and the fact that she was having Renal and Liver failure coupled with her chronic asthma wasn't helping the doctors any. They ended up stuffing her body with cortisone for her inflammation and in the end that was all they could do. I sympathize with you there, I really do. My dad yelled at the doctors so many times the doctors wouldn't talk to him sometimes.

And when my uncle died from Hepatitis, it was also a slow decent. Everyone went to the hospital in shifts to spend time with him. My once athletic muscular powerful uncle was reduced to a shell constantly under covers because he was cold. He got winded from short walks and had to quit his mechanic job because it was too physical. His son, my cousin, had to work in his stead to supplement the money our family gave him. My Uncle was a proud man and never accepted money from anyone ever. But when he got sick he called my dad, from Egypt and asked for money. That clue was the breaking point. I know my uncle had handed in the towel. I know my uncle better than anyone and for him to make a long distance call to borrow money, I knew his position was serious. He recently passed away and I don't feel like saying anymore about that.

I am sorry for your losses :(

Do not hate the doctors Mousie. They have spent their lives learning their jobs and have dedicated the remaining part of their lives to treating others. They wouldn't give up. I believe the doctors told you from the beginning that they would be treating your mother not curing her. You should know that while we have greatly improved our treatment of cancer we still have a ways to go. I think at one point the doctors just had too many symptoms to treat and they didn't know what to do. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, I'm not scolding you in any way. Just don't hate the doctors, they know their job, and part of it is only telling you the most important parts and leaving out the details. They don't want to tell you how much the cancer has spread etc... They don't want you to go to your mother and think of nothing but the cancer. They will shield you from any info tha isn't necessary. Believe me, the doctors care.

Doctors here never said anything about treating my mom. When I met my mom's doctor, she said the only thing left to do is palliative care. Which I think is complete BS. Even though my precious mother was fighting this cancer, she was still strong in February, March, April, May, June, July, August, and most of September. My mom's doctor did not even mention to me or anyone in my family about other treatment options. It was...she came back from Chemotherapy after three months and that was it! I did not hear an offer of a clinical trial nor recommendations for trying something else. Anything else.

Ever since my current research about Cancer Treatment Centers of America, I still have hope. But everytime I discuss or e-mail my mother's doctor about it, I feel all I am getting from her is "what's the point?" kind of attitude and response. Or a "she's dying anyway why bother?" And everytime I talk to an Oncology Specialist in CTCA, they keep telling me that I need to speak to my mom's doctor and I don't know how else I can express to them that doctors here do NOT help me at all!

Guam is small, tiny, and insignificant. I have never hated doctors but I can say through this experience, my faith in medicine has declined a great deed.

The doctors have a reason for not giving her IVY fluids. just remember that. They don't want to make your mom suffer.

It wasn't the doctor we discussed about IVY fluids, it was the nurses. But in a sense your sentence here is right, the nurses are the ones who told me they did not want to give it to her because she may swell and the fluids would just store in parts of her body. But then again, they still tell me her bowels are in stage IV top working condition. It just sounds contradicting to me.

I am amazingly sad for you and don't want to bother telling you any more cliches about doors that open. Death is something everyon has to experience on their own. The death of a parent is for everyone a day they hate to see. I myself am dreading the day I get a call to tell me my mom or dad are dying. Just remember that your parent wouldn't have it any other way. Your mom wants to see you outlive her. Talk to her, and don't let her go easily. (fuck I'm tearing up again :(). If she can hear you I'm sure she wants to know you're there for her. I never got over the death of my uncle and grandma, but I did learn to accept it over time. I have nothing more to say it's just that this is as far as my experiences allow me to write. Oh god Mousie, I'm so sorry. I'm here for you. *hug*

I know people die. But what can I say? It's eaiser to die than to watch someone else die. Especially if they are close to you. After being told my mother is a still a young, healthy, strong woman....I am just not ready to let her go. She is only 55 years old. I can't let her go.

[the lost shinobi]

It wasn't the doctor we discussed about IVY fluids, it was the nurses. But in a sense your sentence here is right, the nurses are the ones who told me they did not want to give it to her because she may swell and the fluids would just store in parts of her body. But then again, they still tell me her bowels are in stage IV top working condition. It just sounds contradicting to me.



I know people die. But what can I say? It's eaiser to die than to watch someone else die. Especially if they are close to you. After being told my mother is a still a young, healthy, strong woman....I am just not ready to let her go. She is only 55 years old. I can't let her go.

I think since the fluids would be going into the body using the IV, the body won't dispose of the chemicals through the bowels and digestive system but rather through blood filtering with the spleen and Liver. Her organs may too weakened to use IVY fluids because the fluids would just sit in her body and her body wouldn't filter it out and then she would swell.

Like your doctor said, your perfectly sane. So keep doing whatever it is your doing. Your doctor does seem to be ignoring your please for help. You are much stronger than I could hope to be when this happens to me. I'm at a loss to say anything else that I haven't already posted before. Keep it together Mousie, you and your dad.

[Mousie]

I have been at a loss of words today. Since I am still in the state I will keep this short.

From
March 5th 1953 to
October 27th Monday 2008 5:45PM.

My mommy passed.

~mousie

[the lost shinobi]

I'm sorry for your loss Mousie, I really am. If you ever want to talk just send me a pm and I'll go online or something. Anyway I love this song and I listened to it when my grandma and uncle died. It's a really comforting song to me and I love it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnL1e4-NfaA&feature=related
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

[ACPRO]

im also very sorry for you loss. Im not that great with words, but i can also relate since my father passed away due to cancer 6 years ago. I was also in the same situation you were in right now.


It really is a difficult time, and theres probably no words i can say to help you (likewise no words really helped me when i was in that situation). I recommend seeing any friends, relatives to talk to for awhile. They will always help you out through times like this.

[Mousie]

The constant ringing of the bloody phone has got me all irritated D:. Like omg...stress @_@.

So my dad and I are have a meeting with the funeral place to make arrangements for a memorial service. We wont be having an actual funeral because my moms wishes are to be cremated and eventually have her ashes scattered in Korea. Which is a trip my dad and I are going to take in May of next year.

Somewhere in between the time things at home get settled or after my visit to Korea...I am going to be doing light traveling. My dad is actually the one telling me this.

So I am going to Australia...for I don't know how long. My friend and her husband keep insisting I stay for a month or two, and here I am thinking I'll be there for ten days to two weeks. I've never been one to overstay my visit before, and I don't think I'll start now unless it comes to the time where I do have to leave and my friend is grabbing my leg and begging me not to go. Which I can say she IS capable of doing >.>. I've seen it before.

Other than that...I can't say I am fine or doing good. I honestly do not know. I fear if there comes a time I say I'm fine, I may just end up falling apart. Which is something I am not known for doing.

Until then, I just hope I can find the strength to get through this.

~Mousie

[tsunade ^_^]

Mousie

First of all, heres a beeeeg hug :hug:

Im so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. All of the best for the arrangements and things to come.
In the past 13months I have lost 5 best friends, but never a parent and therefore I wont know what you are going through and
nothing I say will make things better, but know that with the support of friends and family you will make it.
Remember that I am keeping you in my thoughts and in my heart

<3
*C

[letsrock0303]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss Mousie. It is a very hard thing to deal with and we all wish you the strength to get through it. Your NCers love you and we are all here for you if you ever need people to talk to

[Katzyn]

I'm still at a loss for words, honestly. I know this kinda must be a relief, knowing she's no longer in pain, and this is finally over. At the same time, I can't imagine the pain you must be going through.

We all love you. I'm sorry we can't all be there to physically hug you. =/ I wish I could, at least.

[Erosannin]

Oh Mousie, didn't know you're part Korean!~

Ahn nyung ha sae yo~ *bows 90 degree* ^__^

[Mousie]

Oh Mousie, didn't know you're part Korean!~

Ahn nyung ha sae yo~ *bows 90 degree* ^__^

Very much Korean :3

[Guardian of Hope]

I loathe the feeling of sadness this early in the morning. But, Mousie, for you I will make this exception.

This entire conversation has reminded me of an incident that occurred to me, not so long ago. My father recently passed, which was expected, as it normally is. But the timing was wrong...all wrong. *crying* I had tried my entire life to get the attention of my father, but nothing I could ever do was good enough for the bastard. Any good that I showed, he would manage to throw it back in my face as something stupid. He had abused me ever since I could remember with his mental assaults, also physical...but after a while you simply stop feeling....

....Then, I began running cross country. Something that was an idea of my own. My father's mood had begun to rise bits every weekend I went to visit him as he'd watch me run down the road for my weekendly practices.

My father had been sick for quite some time. Honestly, I don't remember when he wasn't. He had issues, anger problems. Because of these my mother had threatened him time and time again about leaving. Of course, he'd calm down...but only for a bit, then he rouse himself back to that asshole-like status. Then he developed Hepatitis and drank even more than he had to begin with. Also, he was an Awesome (strength-wise) man and then became as frail as my 78 year old Grandmother. This did little to help improve anything.

All the while, through the beatings and hardships, I had always tried to make him be proud of me. Then, I had a conversation with him, and how he was becoming happy that I was running.

A week later I won my first meet (race). That night (Saturday) I had been getting ready to go to my dad's to give him my trophy in hopes of attaining that pride. That night, I discovered my father had passed on. I never got to give him that trophy....I never got to make him proud....I never got to make him happy for something that I truly worked for....I never got the attention I thrived for. I did however, attain a giant whole in my heart that can never be filled. And now, every October, I being unhealthily depressed...for the past couple of years this has happened. And it's a big load of...well...you know. It's just...he wasn't suppose to die. I will forever believe this. He was only 39....

*sniffs*

*sighs*

Mousie, I just want you to know that I truly, deeply, am sorry. Things like this should just never happen...even though they must. Just understand that we, everyone here, is there for you. No matter what it is that you need. Even if it's Chido giving a webcam a lapdance, I'm sure he would do that in a heartbeat if you felt that'd make you happier. :)

Just take things slow, and thoroughly think about everything you do. Keep us all updated. :D

We love you. XD

[Erosannin]

OMG...

What an ass of me to skip the entire intro and went straight to the outtro...

If I would've known (I blame my laziness for this), I would've said something different than what I've posted above. I am so sorry to hear your loss Mousie...

I do not know you personally; however, I do wish from the bottom of my heart that you will stand tall at a troubled time like this, and I'll pray that you'll manage to weather this storm and emerge anew. Everyone will find their breaking point with enough pressure; however, it is a time like this that you need to fortify your heart and not to drown yourself in sorrow.

Take care of yourself. Not only for your sake, but for your mother's as well.

Ever so dearly,

Ivan Je. Kim aka. -Ero-

[Arty]

Mousie...

South or north?

[Mousie]

South.

AND OMG I ALMOST DIED!!!

I just got home but during my time driving home I always check the car to make sure there are no creepy crawlers in there to freak me out...so here I am driving and then suddenly at the half way mark I see something CRAWLING and its a SPIDER!!!!!
I swerve and skid and omg almost DIED and here I am in my car screaming Q___Q saying OMG OMG OMG NOO NOO NOO! ANd the f*ck*n spider is crawling SO FAST and coming towards me from the dashboard to the driver side window D:! OMG


OMG

[Guardian of Hope]

South.

AND OMG I ALMOST DIED!!!

I just got home but during my time driving home I always check the car to make sure there are no creepy crawlers in there to freak me out...so here I am driving and then suddenly at the half way mark I see something CRAWLING and its a SPIDER!!!!!
I swerve and skid and omg almost DIED and here I am in my car screaming Q___Q saying OMG OMG OMG NOO NOO NOO! ANd the f*ck*n spider is crawling SO FAST and coming towards me from the dashboard to the driver side window D:! OMG


OMG

Shoot it! Shoot it! Kill it dead, d.e.d....dead.

[Karin<3]

South.

AND OMG I ALMOST DIED!!!

I just got home but during my time driving home I always check the car to make sure there are no creepy crawlers in there to freak me out...so here I am driving and then suddenly at the half way mark I see something CRAWLING and its a SPIDER!!!!!
I swerve and skid and omg almost DIED and here I am in my car screaming Q___Q saying OMG OMG OMG NOO NOO NOO! ANd the f*ck*n spider is crawling SO FAST and coming towards me from the dashboard to the driver side window D:! OMG


OMG

It's called a fist, use it. Why didn't u smoosh the critter when u saw it ?

[Mousie]

EW! D: I hate spiders with a passion. There was no way on earth I was going to smash it with my bare hand D:!

[Mousie]

It is the one month marker of my mother's passing. How ironic that it is a Thanksgiving day, a day to be thankful for certain things. I don't feel thankful at all today. In fact I feel deprived on all things to be thankful for on a significant level.

I have been missing my mother this past week...thinking about how I wish I could hold her hand, talk with her, learn more about my Korean families, and watch her cook her delicious foods.

I attempted to make a dish my mother loved to make knowing I'd go crazy over it. I did not fail but it just did not taste the same as hers.
Maybe it's all in my head or maybe I just did not get the recipe right.

Every night before I get to the point of where I NEED to sleep, I walk into the living room and stare at the alter I made for my mom. Seeing her picture and just reminiscing the good and bad moments I had with her the past eight months. Only to be left with a sad feeling because she's no longer here :(. I have even had moments where all the memories would start to flood and overwhelm me...which I try to be rid of by distracting myself with other things.

I would give anything to see her lively smile.
I would give anything to be able to hug her once more while she hugs me back.

I loathe the feeling of sadness this early in the morning. But, Mousie, for you I will make this exception.He was only 39....
........
Mousie, I just want you to know that I truly, deeply, am sorry. Things like this should just never happen...even though they must. Just understand that we, everyone here, is there for you. No matter what it is that you need. Even if it's Chido giving a webcam a lapdance, I'm sure he would do that in a heartbeat if you felt that'd make you happier. :)

Just take things slow, and thoroughly think about everything you do. Keep us all updated. :D

We love you. XD

Your dad was VERY young :(. I'm sorry you can understand me in a such a way that's saddening. My mother was 55.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement and support. <3

OMG...

What an ass of me to skip the entire intro and went straight to the outtro...

If I would've known (I blame my laziness for this), I would've said something different than what I've posted above. I am so sorry to hear your loss Mousie...

I do not know you personally; however, I do wish from the bottom of my heart that you will stand tall at a troubled time like this, and I'll pray that you'll manage to weather this storm and emerge anew. Everyone will find their breaking point with enough pressure; however, it is a time like this that you need to fortify your heart and not to drown yourself in sorrow.

Take care of yourself. Not only for your sake, but for your mother's as well.

Ever so dearly,

Ivan Je. Kim aka. -Ero-

You are no arse :3. I have moments where I do the same! Totally get lazy and skip anything important someone says...but information has a way of finding it's way into our brains.

<3 Thank you.