C Ranked: Michelangelo-Kun

[oipotty]

Title: Michelangelo-Kun
Rank: C
Pay: $100
Participants: Takahashi
Description: A famous artist, by the name of Kantaro was commissioned to paint the ceiling of the Kazekage’s lobby. Meet him at the Kazekage’s Mansion at five in the morning and be prepared to work all day. The mission will entail running errands, climbing to great heights, and helping out with whatever Kantaro needs. Also, you must make sure that no one enters the mansion through its main doors during the duration of the painting job. Tell the people who wish to come in to go through the side entrance where some guards will be waiting.

[oipotty]

The sun peeked out from behind its blanket of clouds and yawned, stretched, and sprung up into the sky illuminating everything with its joyful light. Flowers straightened their stance, animals opened a eye and even the Sunagakure Desert was filled with the sounds of merriment. However, the people slept on – well, almost all of the people. It was four in the morning and Takahashi cursed the scroll in his hand. The job seemed interesting but he was definitely not a morning bird. There was nothing he hated more than getting up at four. Now, he had to get to the Kazekage Mansion to meet the freaky artist guy. Blaming his misfortune and the stupid artist that he had yet to meet, the boy trudged along, keeping an eye on the massive Kazekage’s mansion, the tallest building in Sunagakure.



The streets were desolate. In a few hours, people will clutter through this street, packing it full.



Takahashi: (What the heck am I doing here? I am supposed to be in bed now.)



Soon, the mansion came into sight and the boy admired the building and condemned it at the same time. He looked at the elaborate architecture that was employed in constructing the building. He remembered coming into the mansion just yesterday to get his mission scroll. He had stood at the exact place as he was currently standing and had just admired it as he was doing now. Then, he had walked into the mansion and admired the paintings and decorations that adorned the lobby. He had said to himself that they needed a new ceiling. Little did he know that he would be the one to help paint it.



Taking a long and deep breath, absorbing the fresh cool air of dawn, the boy opened the large doors of the mansion and stepped in. Gasping, he looked at the lobby that was once adorned with the finest crafts, paintings, and sculptures. Now, the entire room was covered in white sheet. Buckets of paint lined the walls of the room and in place of the paintings, massive brushes hung down waiting to be chosen.



???: Hello, you must be Takahashi, no one else would be here so early.



Whirling around, Takahashi saw a positively fat old man sitting on a stool, his butt five times the size of the seat.



Takahashi: Hello, may I see the artist please?


???: I am the artist.



Takahashi groaned inwardly. In his first mission, trash was pelted at him from windows, in his second, his teammates betrayed him, and now this? He would have to help a man who weighed hundreds of pounds paint a ceiling that was at least thirty feet tall? This had to be a mistake. Something told him, however, from the smile on the old artist’s face, that it wasn’t a mistake… it was a mission.

[oipotty]

Surprised and displeased, Takahashi sighed and walked over to the artist and shook his hand. As the stubby hand shook up and down, the boy could see massive layers of fat jiggle like jellow on his arm. It was quite a disturbing sight. The man still hadn’t introduced himself but he knew the artist’s name was Kantaro. The man motioned to another stool and Takahashi politely sat down.



Kantaro: So, boy. As you already know, my name is Kantaro. Now, I was commissioned to paint the ceiling of this building. We’re going to brainstorm over what we can paint.


Takahashi: You’re saying that you don’t know?


Kantaro: Why so surprised?



Takahashi was surprised. Kantaro had to be a very professional painter in order for him to be commissioned. Why didn’t he know what he was going to paint?



Takahashi: Well, I just supposed….


Kantaro: I guess you supposed wrong. Your first task, think of an appealing thing that is possible to be painted on a ceiling.



Takahashi shrugged and began to think. He thought of Sunagakure and what it meant to be a member of Sunagakure. Maybe he could draw a desert! No, the desert would be to barren and desolate. Maybe a portrait of the Kazekage! That was a bad idea too. Suddenly, a perfect idea popped into Takahashi’s head. How about a gourd with a background of a desert? After suggesting it to Kantaro, the old artist agreed heartily and they set to work.



Takahashi’s first job was to find a 20 foot ladder. After a quick job of measuring, they corrected their estimate of the ceiling’s height to 21 feet. Takahashi sped away from the building and began wondering which shop would be open at this time. Maybe he could steal…. No, he was a shinobi. There had to be a ladder by the warehouses. He dreaded to go there. It was where the criminals of his last mission had met. However, he had no choice and set out immediately.



The gloomy but familiar group of warehouses loomed overhead. Takahashi knew inside the first warehouse, there would be a ladder of that height. There was everything inside that first warehouse. Indeed, there was… so much, in fact that he could barely walk. Suddenly, he crashed head on into something large. His bruised head looked up slowly and saw that he had crashed into a large ladder, most likely the right size. Smiling, the boy attempted to carry it back but a tugging force pulling the opposite way prevented him. Curiously, the boy tugged harder, but was matched with an equal tugging force.



???: Yo, what’cha doin in my house?

[oipotty]

Takahashi: (Oh snap, a hobo. Better take this and run!)



Suddenly, two hands gripped his shoulders tightly. Takahashi flinched and fell to his knees. It was a man’s voice that had spoke and the man went to light a candle. The entire warehouse was illuminated by a single candle. Takahashi’s eyes adjusted the light and saw torn mattresses, more ladders, books, and dilapidated furniture. The condition of the items in the room was terrible. However, as long as this ladder could stand and hold some weight, it would have to do. The artist was waiting for him.



Murdock: Howdy there. M’name is Murdock. I own this little store fo mine. You’re goin to hav’ta in order to get yur stuff.


Takahashi: Sorry sir, it’s for the Kazekage’s Mansion. I’m a shinobi and you’re going to have to step aside.


Murdock: No way in hell! Pay me mi money!



Takahashi had to think, and think quickly at that. He had two choices because he was sure that he wouldn’t pay the hobo. Either he physically attack the man or he had to slyly think of some way to get out of his situation. He preferred the second option so quickly thought of a plan. Murdock tapped his foot monotonously and impatiently.



Takahashi: How much?


Murdock: How about a bargain of $300.



The boy wasn’t stupid. He knew it was an outrageous price and there was no way he was going to give him the money. With a quick flick of his wrist, Takahasih let loose a kunai which hit the candle sitting in the middle of the room with great speed. The candle fell to the ground and the little flame was smothered. Then, the boy formed a clone of himself in the dark and dragged the ladder out of the room. When Murdock finally ignited more flame, he was standing face to face with a quite intangible, genjutsu clone.

[oipotty]

Takahashi was back at the art studio. He had a really bad feeling about what was going on. Standing at its tallest height, the shabby ladder was about to carry a positively obese artist. One chubby hand was already on the ladder getting ready to climb. Takahashi was asked to hold the other side of the ladder. Bracing himself for the worst, he motioned an ok sign to Kantaro. The artist’s first step was met by a terrible groan from Takahashi and the second step was met by a clenching of teeth. Nonetheless, Takahashi was surprised that a man of such obesity could cling on to the ladder with such tenacity. The tenacity came at the expence of Takahashi’s comfort.



Takahashi: (I guess this is what a mission is all about.)



Suddenly, Kantaro, with such eagerness stepped up onto the top-most rung. The boy was extremely surprised that the ladder didn’t crack. Now, Takahashi was positively shaking. A drop of sweat dripped down from Kantaro’s hair. So, happily, he sat on the very top of the ladder panting slightly. This took some of the stress off Takahashi since the artist was sitting in the middle of the ladder; his weight was now balanced.



Kantaro: Hey kid, do you mind passing me some orange and brown paint? Those colors are the main colors needed for the job.



Biting his lip, Takahashi nodded. He sped to the paint station and tried to find a can of orange and brown paint. He immediately located the brown but struggled to find the orange. Meanwhile, Kantaro was swaying most precariously on the ladder. He didn’t seem the least bit perturbed. He just whistled a merry tune as Takahashi imagined horrible sights of the artist on the floor: his blood spilled everywhere. It would be his fault if the man fell. It just wasn’t fair. He located the orange paint and dashed back to the swaying ladder, holding it in place. Then, he asked the artist to lean a little towards the side in which he came up from. Takahashi, on the other hand, came up the side of the ladder with no rungs and handed him the paint bottles.



Takahashi: Now, you can lean your weight back into the middle and start painting.


Kantaro: It’s kinda hard to paint when I’m sitting down but its ok.



Takahashi would hate to see the artist stand up. That would mean the end of both of them. Also, Takahashi knew what the man was saying. It was hard for anybody to paint a ceiling while sitting down. He shrugged a little… safety first! Sitting back, he watched the man work his magic, balancing the ladder when needed. After the end of an hour, he saw an amazing sight. The very top of the gourd and some desert surroundings! Then, Takahashi thought there was a hole in the ceiling. Could what he was seeing be just a painting? Finally, he realized why this man had been commissioned to paint the ceiling. Regardless, he still hated the man and wished above anything else to tell him to lose weight. However, he wanted to finish the mission successfully and that wasn’t the right path for his goals.



Takahashi knew he wasn't done with the job. The hard part was yet to come.

[oipotty]

Now, he had to move the ladder. There was no way he was going to push the ladder with Kantaro on top of it. Kantaro would have to get off of the ladder. This was going to be a great pain. Takahashi asked the artist to hop off the ladder. It turned out to be everything except for a hop. Maybe a stampede would be a better term to describe it. With a crash on the floor, the man hopped down rung by rung and then finally onto the floor. Relieved, the boy moved the ladder with ease to the next spot. When he had reached the next spot, Kantaro again hopped onto the ladder.



It was the morning and people began streaming onto the Konoha streets.



Kantaro: Alright. People are going to start streaming in here. Your going to have to hang up a sign telling the peeps to come in through the side entrance located to the left side of the building.


Takahashi: Will do! (To hell with this guy. If he falls while I’m on duty, then I’ll just say it was his fault… he’s the one that sent me to do the job.)



Nonetheless, Takahashi made quick use of time and hurried to retrieve the paper and pencil that was lying for him on a little desk. He wrote a sign that stated all of the information that Kantaro had told him.



Hello to all shinobi and residents of Sunagakure. The lobby is currently under work and we ask that you use the side entrance where you will be checked before entering. The side entrance is located on the left side of the building. We are sorry for the inconvenience.



After reading it out loud to Kantaro, the man approved what he wrote and Takahashi rushed back to the man who had already made his way half-way up the ladder. Holding down the other side, Takahashi felt the same stress. Then, he was asked to get more colors and he did. Then, the man again started to paint. He worked the paintbrush like it was an attachment of his body. What amazing work with the brush! The boy watched mesmerized, all resentment at the artist gone. All mockery of the man’s obesity vanquished… he was left with only awe and respect.



Suddenly, something wet fell on his head. Wiping it off with his hand, he saw something orange and black.



Takahashi: Oh SH*T!


Kantaro: Oh, c’mon. What did you thing the blankets over the furniture is for?

[oipotty]

This went on for twelve more hours and it was finally nine o’clock at night. The process went well throughout the day. With Takahashi’s respect renewed for Kantaro every time he completed a portion of that massive ceiling, the day went very smoothly. Drops of paint continued to fall from the ceiling so Takahashi had to continuously dodge the bombardment of paint.



Kantaro: The paint has been falling for a while now. Do you know what that means?


Takahashi: I really don’t want to know.


Kantaro: Haha. Too bad. It means that we have to go through it all over again and pain some reinforcements.


Takahashi: We’ll have to do everything all over again?!


Kantaro: You got that right. But it won’t take as long. We just have to reinforce some color and then we’ll be done.



That meant at least seven more moving of ladders. Each moving of the ladder took fifteen minutes! This would be insane. Now, his pure white robe was colored rainbow. Paint was smeared on every peace of clothing he was wearing. Takahashi groaned and helped Kantaro off the ladder. Takahashi wasn’t the only one that looked like a rainbow, Kantaro looked like one too, except a plumper one. They began working like brothers, moving and helping one another in unison.



A few more hours passed and the midnight bells struck. They were finally done and they were smiling. At first, Takahashi walked into this Kazekage’s lobby looking at the artist standing in front of him as just some obese idiot. The artist had looked at Takahashi like just another brat kid. Now, the mission was over. Takahashi was grinning and admiring the ceiling. It was a painting of a gourd in a vast desert. The artwork was impeccable and Takahashi couldn’t stop staring. Now, the artist Kantaro looked at Takahashi as an equal, someone who never gave up, and a true Sunagakure Shinobi. They stood looking up at the amazing ceiling in happiness.



Kantaro: So, you like it?


Takahashi: It’s amazing.


Kantaro: Do you know what that means for you?


Takahashi: No, what?


Kantaro: Mission Complete!



Suddenly, a massive pile of painted fell on their faces, smearing their noses, eyes, and mouths with paint of an assortment of colors. Takahashi rolled on one of the blankets. And Kantaro fell and rolled playfully as well, accidentally rolling onto Takahashi’s arm. The genin’s laughs turned into moans…



Takahashi: You Son of a B*tch!!!

[Sol]

Hello Oipotty, I'll be judging your mission today. Lets get started...

Sorry to say but right off the bat you made a fairly large mistake with this mission. This mission was definetly not a "C" rank mission by shinobi standards. According to the SoS Rule Book:

D rank: No form of fatal danger, usually just chores or safe escorts. There will be no death in a D rank mission.

C rank: Some form of conflict, if so, then usually with no other shinobi. Non-shinobi enemies only. Slightly dangerous missions.

As you can see, the actual content of this mission deems it merely as a "D" rank. You managed to get this mission approved as a "C" rank was because of the clause in you mission statement where you said: "Also, you must make sure that no one enters the mansion through its main doors during the duration of the painting job." This would entail some sort of bouncer like duties when some rowdy people come to see the art in progress. However, there was no such activity at all. The closest thing to conflict in this mission was where you tricked the hobo with a bunshin. However, since you did set your mission pay within "D" rank payout parameters, I won't reduce this down to a "D" rank. Just take this into consideration when you make your next mission...

The story itself was not all that bad, pretty good low level mission that a rookie shinobi would be sent on. You did the basic tasks that would accompany the mission appropriately and in a manner that fit your character. However, I feel you fell short of "selling the mission" to the reader. The level of detail you used in your first post was pretty good, but it seemed to trail off as the mission progressed. When asked to go get paint, you pretty much wrote: "Takashi went over to the table grabbed the paint and returned it". There were many missed opportunities to add detail to a situation and pull the reader into the setting with you. And like I said earlier, you missed a golden opportunity to justify the mission's rank, by doing some bouncer activities when people started to poke around. Even then, you really didn't do too much. You fetched paint for the guy twice, only the first of which was really passable. You ran to a warehouse and tricked a hobo out of a ladder, which was the most climatic portion of the mission. Then you moved the ladder around like 9 times, 7 of which were timeskiped through. Overall, there was a LOT of time skipping in this mission. You could have used that time to do other aspects of the mission (referring back to the bouncer roll). The mission concept was good, however the execution left something to be desired...

Your spelling and grammar in this was not bad, but not great. A couple of misplaced commas chopped up some of your sentences in strange ways that didn't read correctly. There were a few switched around letters and even a few forgotten ones. However the mission was very readable, just a few spots here and there that need to be fine tuned a little more...

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Mission Pay out: 80%!

Total Payout: +$80.00

Now concerning the matter of XP... A max rank 10/10 "C" rank mission, will earn 8 points of XP. However, for each ranking point less then a 10/10 you will loose one potential point. Thus since you missed 5 points in mission tallies, you will receive 3 XP for this mission...