ESL needs her own thread like all the cool kids. >.< [Archive]

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eyeshadowlady

01-07-2008, 06:34 PM

Well, after fogging up KKK with my drama and seriousness and non-mission material, I've decided to make a random thread just for me. because I am cool. And I don't care if you don't comment either! I will just keep posting! mwahahaha!

I'm going to start off with drama. Later on I will add randomness and other fluffy things to delude you into thinking I'm sane.

Those of you who've read posts of mine before probably know about Keith, the man I've come to call "My Urkel" in a reference to the popular 90's show Family Matters (I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but this is my name for him and it has a very sweet backstory to it. I could go Naruto on your a**es and whip out a detailed flashback complete with drowning puppies, but I will refrain and just waste space by writing this instead). I haven't seen Keith in a very long time... specifically, a year and a half. After going through a trauma, at the worst of times the one friend I wanted and needed most abandoned me... stopped calling, stopped texting, stopped seeing me... the most likely cause being his jealous ex girlfriend (who he was mooching off of and didn't really care for).

I fell madly, deeply, horrifically in love with Urkel, not really accepting or realizing this until he began to distance himself from me. After months of texting and calling with no reply, I felt I'd humiliated myself enough and it was time for me to back off and let go... but I never could let go. I've moved on since then, I've grown stronger and wiser, but I still cling to the feelings I had for this man, still play with this fantasy that one day I'll see him or talk to him again despite his invisibility both online and in life. On my birthday, I even gathered my courage and journeyed to the place I feared most in the world just for the chance to see him again (taking the chance that he may not even be working there this day and time).... only to find out that he'd just been fired the weekend before I'd come there... after he'd worked there for ten years.

Today I was sitting in my car, playing with my phone and just staring at his name as I often do, daring myself to hit that dreaded "call" button and take my chances at him changing his number or worse, answering the phone... and I had a panic attack for about eight minutes just envisioning this... then my finger moved on its own and that terrifying ringing sounded. Rrrrriiiiinnnggg. Rrriiiiinnnggg. Rrrriiinnnggg. Rrrriiinnnggg. Rrrriiinnnggg. My heart skipped a beat as I awaited the voicemail message, praying to hear his beautiful voice again, the one I still remembered so well. "Hi, you've reached Keith -------..." But I didn't hear that. In its place I heard what sounded like a 30 year old caucasian businessman repeat the same overused phrase, "Hi, you've reached John Smith (the most cliche, mundane name a white American man could possibly have). If you'll please leave your name and numb--"

Wow. For how long was I texting the wrong person with no reply? For how long was he simply ignoring me, and why? Was it simply not meant to be for me to reunite with this person, or was he or his ex girlfriend just making every effort for him not to be contacted? It was a joke--a cruel joke. A joke I keep repeating, that doesn't get better with time.

Even with all odds against me, though, I desperately want him back in my life... I want to thank him for all he's done for me, and scold him for all he's done to me... I want to hug him with every fiber of my being... to kiss him the way I couldn't bring my body to do... to see him smile, to hear him laugh, and to be the one that makes him light up that way like I used to... But how impossible is this? You'd think he lived halfway around the world, or was dead... but to have this much difficulty finding a living, breathing person, it's just too cruel.

So if you know a black male age 37 who also goes by the alias of "Urkel", please let me know ;) Or any credible way of finding old friends.

The Agent Y

01-07-2008, 07:02 PM

have you tried myspace or facebook? thats how i got in touch with my friends from my past.

Thistle

01-07-2008, 07:05 PM

Hey ESL, you deserve your own thread!

If i happen to meet Urkel somewhere i'll tell you...but i guess it's time to move along for now since you've done everything you could to find him...

Perhaps you'll meet him again some day but i hope until then you've found someone new...looks like you are desperate to find something you once had with him, that special warmth in your heart that you feel when you're with someone you love...but you will find that again, i'm sure of it.

Hope to hear more from you in here...as much as you want to tell us...:)

eyeshadowlady

01-07-2008, 07:15 PM

myface is a bit out of his generation... also, yes I have checked, and he is not there, nor is anyone who knows him :( (even his ex gf)

Azure Wrath

01-08-2008, 10:06 AM

ESL, sorry to say it, but you dont deserve someone who does that to you. The fact that his number changed and he didnt even let you know... its bullcrap (i would be swearing, but i guess i cant anymore >_<). You need someone who treats you with the same amount of love you treat them! I think it is horse crap that you are giving so much and not get any in return! The least he could od is be honest with you and either tell you that he's not talking to you or tell you that he's changed his number!

I am not impressed with what this guy is doing to you ESL (and i am not impressed that i gotta call you by your forum name here, it feels weird, but alas) and i demand that he either stop his crap, or you move on! God knows it will be hard to move on, especially when you love him so much. But you need to see that this is not healthy for you! finding someone else makes you get over old loved ones with much more ease, trust me on this one.

Find someone you deserve. Find someone who actually cares enough about you to let you know when they've changed numbers. Find someone who loves you. It'll be for your own good and i do NOT wanna see you down or depressed. You're too a cool person for that (hence you having your own thread :p)

Now... get over this Urkel. Please.

Kayleen

01-08-2008, 10:19 AM

We're seeing a replay of Azure's big love tragedy alas. Yeah I agree with him though, you don't deserve someone who treats you like he did. He might've been really really nice to you when you hung out but little details like those(changing his number and not telling you...) make all the difference in my opinion.

Now the getting over part, err well I tried to give Azure some advice and I don't much else to give you. I'm going through the similar process so I can't really talk but I can relate :/. As much as I hate cheesy proverbs "time heals all" isn't exactly true but it does hold some truth. Find yourself something/someone else to keep you occupied and try and keep your mind off him because if you force yourself to NOT think of him, you will >_>

On a side note, I'm not cool, I don' have my own thread :(

NarutoNineTails

01-08-2008, 12:16 PM

Ahh the drama of love. It will be all "good" memories over time. Don't try to get too worked up by it even though feeling pain is part of the healing process. Sounds like u r already half way there ESL.

And just cuz u call creating your own thread here "cool", I'm not the type to jump on the bandwagon. ;)

Sasukemania

01-08-2008, 01:07 PM

Good luck on your thread ESL.... This forum needs more drama. Anyway people don't get that when you don't get over a certain person its cause sometimes deep inside you, you don't want to get over it, your just not interested to get over that person.... I know the feeling when you really miss someone and there's a wall between you and that person... Time is the worst healer...well time change everything but for some people time don't pass so fast as others....Gl on your quest to find him...although most probably the feeling you will feel after you do will be disappointment.

eyeshadowlady

01-08-2008, 06:07 PM

thank you all for your advice... though I wish I could put up a billboard in every city he might venture to saying "Have you seen this man? [no pic] Keith -------, age 37-38, likes skating and hockey. Also goes by name "Urkel". Sought by sexy 21 year old sexually frustrated girl ;)." lmao. But then I'd get a bunch of weirdos :(

I know it is like a replay, but I was going through this first da...rnit! lol. Sasukemania is right though, I am clinging to it because though it's painful, this form of love (previously unfathomable to me) is such a wonderful feeling and not something I'm prepared to let go so easily... And the good memories I have of him are not the kind I'm ready to forget... And I feel if I do not give every effort while I still can, while he is still alive and unmarried and all that, I will regret it...

Also, I don't really go out enough to meet new people. I am pretty shy and reserved and I don't like to party or go to the bar so I don't have many friends. Part of why I cling to Keith aside from his being worth every second of thought devoted to him is that the only other person in the vicinity with the potential to take that place (in some way--more like a lesser version/distraction) is a married man, and I'm not willing to allow myself to become THAT lonely. lol.

I suppose everyone is right when they say that he doesn't deserve me for this or that reason... but at the same time, you know, I couldn't possibly describe to you every little detail that made me fall in love with him in the first place, or all the wonderful things he's done for me, and the way his voice and his laughter would light up my day... well I could, but no one would want to read it, lol. Even then, logically he may not be worthy of this much devotion from me... but logic hath no place in the heart.

I have done a lot of internet searching and have found up to 8 possible matches that could possibly be him... but the only way of knowing would be paying anywhere from 8-50 bucks to find out... the $50 option would search all 8 matches, being from the place I met him or the surrounding area (and I have a feeling he may have moved)... the $8 is just the 4 in that area. It would give me a detailed history of any criminal activity, sex offenses, and addresses... but I'm not sure if it would have an updated phone number, which is the only thing I really want or need. And even if the unlikely chance of finding him occured and I got his number, how would I say I retrieved it? lmao. And what if he doesn't want to be contacted and it's not just the workings of his ex? I do'nt know. So yes, this is obviously something I have taken seriously... but where do I go from here?

Thistle

01-08-2008, 06:22 PM

Where do you go from here on ESL? Looks like you found a way to search for him. Try it, if you're sure you would regret not having done it. But be prepared for it not being a success...or him having had his reasons not to stay in touch with you.

So i guess you should do it and spend the money (what's money anyway) since you've been lonely for too long. But if you won't succeed in finding him or if you find out it's really over then try to start to accept this. It will be a long way to go but otherwise you won't open for someone new. So good luck ESL, may you find what you search for...

MiMi_Chan

01-08-2008, 06:48 PM

I'm going to have to agree with Thistle. If this guy suddenly disappeared, I find it fishy that he wouldn't tell you. If you want to look for him, that's your choice but like Thistle said, be ready for the worse... If the guy suddenly disappears from your world, there could very well be a reason, though I pray it not be that :)

Anyways, good luck with your search and I hope you find who(or what) you're looking for :)

NarutoNineTails

01-08-2008, 07:30 PM

Isn't it funny how u don't realize love when it is right in front of your nose but when it is gone you do?

If you don't mind me asking (or maybe u mentioned it before and I didn't notice), are there any possible reasons why he stopped contacting you? From your initial post I thought he was just trying to avoid you but your second post is contradicting that idea for me.

If you know he has been avoiding you then I'd say you should move on but if that isn't the case, I agree w/ thistle and mimi.

eyeshadowlady

01-09-2008, 02:19 AM

I am prepared for “the worst”… however, the worst possible thing to me is not knowing right now. Not knowing why he stopped talking to me. Not knowing why he distanced himself in the first place. Not knowing where he is now or what his situation is. I don’t think it could get much worse than it is… I mean, even if he is severely ill or on his deathbed or something (highly unlikely), I would rather know and spend the last few moments I could with him. Even if he thinks I’m a psycho stalker, and has forgotten me, or his girlfriend (?) has brainwashed him completely, I will not regret trying. It will hurt for the moment, but if he wouldn’t talk to me again anyway (like it has been) those moments will pass and I’ll never have to look back again.

Isn't it funny how u don't realize love when it is right in front of your nose but when it is gone you do?

If you don't mind me asking (or maybe u mentioned it before and I didn't notice), are there any possible reasons why he stopped contacting you? From your initial post I thought he was just trying to avoid you but your second post is contradicting that idea for me.

If you know he has been avoiding you then I'd say you should move on but if that isn't the case, I agree w/ thistle and mimi.

Now to answer NNT’s questions:
It is funny how you don’t realize how much you care about someone until they are gone… I think this happens to many people. I actually began acknowledging this before he even started to distance himself from me though, I just wasn’t fully prepared to launch into it and it scared me how deeply I felt for him, and how shy I was around him (I was never shy around guys. Must just be when I really like someone). We got to the point where we would sit beside each other, touching and being very close when we ate lunch together (my cousin got very angry seeing this, being very overprotective of me lmao) and I had somehow gained the courage to hold his hand a couple times. Once, in my car while driving him to his friend’s place… and he smiled, and held mine in return. The second time, we were walking back to the restaurant where we worked, and I clasped his hand in mine once more, yearning to have that intimacy again—I think holding his hand was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had—and he squeezed back and held on for about fifteen seconds before suddenly removing his out of fear of someone seeing (he had said he didn’t care what others thought of our “relationship” and closeness earlier that week, so I think he cared more than he let on… though most probably because of his ties to his ex girlfriend). Anyway, I had acted on this feeling before he distanced himself… but the feeling intensified when he was no longer in my life and this big empty hole began to dwell inside my heart.

To answer your second question, this is something I’ve gone over and over in my mind… It’s something I’m very paranoid about. Is it him? Is it his ex? Or… is it me? There are a few likely possibilities I’ve come up with…

1) His ex (who had mentioned to me that she’d caught him “constantly texting a girl from work” and being upset by this—I think probably knowing well it was me) forced him to cut his ties with me, possibly removing my number from his phone and thus his only way of contacting me.
2) He found out what happened to me that had caused me to quit my job and become a wreck and it scared him, he didn’t know what to say or how to deal with me so he stopped contacting me at all. Maybe he was very turned off at my inability to prevent the dilemma from occurring at all—maybe I was just annoying him by being too needy, or texting and calling too much.
3) Maybe he found out some things about me and my past that I’m not proud of from before I knew him. He was the one that lifted my confidence and made me feel like I was worth something. He was the one that helped me gain my self respect after having it torn apart and believing I deserved to be treated like an object. But if he found out what kind of person I was before I knew him, maybe he wouldn’t like me so much anymore. This is my least favorite hypothesis…
4) Perhaps two or all of these combined…

It has been a year and a half since I’ve heard from Keith so I’d say he is no longer avoiding me but has removed me from his life/is completely incapable of contacting me. My only hope is that #1 or #2 are the case, because that would mean he would still be willing to or excited about seeing me/hearing from me again. If there is some truth to #3… I fear for the worst.

Like I said, the hardest part is not knowing…

Sasukemania

01-09-2008, 02:38 AM

Just some very sincere and random thoughts Keri. Don't blame me for them ^__^.

Well first of all you should probably go all Naruto on us and describe those flashbacks...or quote them from previous posts, cause not everyone is understanding just by reading your recent thread....
Secondly a girlfriend is a reason for a guy to don't move his relationship with a girl to another level, but never the main reason to completely shut her down if he really still wanted to keep some contact....The final decisions are always all ours, not made by others even if they are our moms, wifes, gfs, sisters, friends, etc.
In cases like these we tend to need someone, more than we actually love her/him, thats out of personal experience and could be wrong in your case, anyway..doesn't make whats your going through less painful. Obviously he doesn't need you the way you need him... And that wont change unless his probably controlling gf of his abandon him...but dunno if you would still would like a reunion out of need and not cause of love. Anyway what i want to say is that probably even if he comes back and still want to be your friend...you will discover that it isn't the same as before...and it can never be.... You had feelings for him and you confide valuable things for you to him without asking much in return and he just abandoned you..... My opinion is that you probably miss more what he used to be and not what this man really is today. When we get rejected sometimes we give supernatural abilities and brighter colors to our relationships with them, cause we just miss some things. Its a sweet thing, but its no true....

eyeshadowlady

01-09-2008, 03:08 AM

You may be right mania... I still cling to those days though... I always told myself I wouldn't let others' biased advice (like that of his ex to me, lmao) determine what I thought of a person; I would make my own judgments after getting to know that person. And he is a flawed person... very irresponsible: he doesn't have a car, license, a well-paying job (was stuck in same $10/hr. job for ten years. probably got more than that after all that time but not much more), and now doesn't even have that job (and I wonder if he changed his number or if he could no longer afford a phone). His ex told me that he is hypocritical and expects a lot more out of his girlfriend, for her to be loyal and have a "clean" sexual history (threesomes or permiscuity would turn him off I guess), but that he cheated on her (he had actually mentioned to me that the girl he moved in with his coworker to get away from living with his girlfriend at the time... and that his last girlfriend was someone who was better to remain a friend, and that they just didn't connect in their relationship the same way). After all this, I can't guarantee that she wasn't telling some truth or that he wasn't exaggerating some, but one thing I'm fairly certain to after talking to both is that he didn't really like her as more than a friend... if even that... but that he was most likely using her to mooch rides and a place to stay off of her. And if that's the case, he is living with her now, and due to his financial irresponsibility, he couldn't afford to stand up to her.

Part of me regrets not telling him what happened to me, but I think he knew without ever really knowing... I can clearly remember the last time he saw me... he looked into my eyes and said, "I don't know what happened to you Keri, but I can tell by looking in your eyes that they didn't break your spirit." He had almost a sixth sense about me and called me, wanting to know if I was okay and his voice reverbrated with the most heartfelt concern I've ever known. And if he cared that much then... I wonder if that second possibility I mentioned above could really be true.

Arty

01-09-2008, 04:56 AM

I feel forced to post something insanely long in here --_--

And i will , just not now :P

NarutoNineTails

01-09-2008, 12:39 PM

it sounds like u had a major tool of a bf in your last relationship ESL. Not only that it sounds like he was abusive? At least I didn't get a sense of that in your posts prior to me noticing it now. Good for you.

I once went out w/ a girl who had been in bad relationships prior to going out w/ me. In hindsight I should have stayed away. I naively thought I could help her get over her past but her past itself really did bother me at the end. What really blew my top was when I realized how she was still keeping in touch w/ that ex! That was the end of the line for me and I booked.

I mentioned above because if I were to be in another relationship with such a girl again I would be alarmed. Of course it would depend on many other factors but I would definitely consider that a negative than a positive for the relationship.

That said, I would guess that combination of factors are involved in your situation. I highly doubt it would be just one of the choices you mentioned.

Sounds like all you really want is some kind of closure. From what you've mentioned, the likelihood of you getting your most ideal outcome is not too high but in that process you might still get the closure you want. At least it would help you move on even if you do get the least wanted outcome. So yeah...I would look into the leads that you found. If those don't pan out at least you won't wonder what if. Those types of thoughts are really disruptive and unhealthy.

eyeshadowlady

01-09-2008, 01:24 PM

it sounds like u had a major tool of a bf in your last relationship ESL. Not only that it sounds like he was abusive? At least I didn't get a sense of that in your posts prior to me noticing it now. Good for you.

Are you referring to my post about my first bf in the “love” thread, or one of my other 2 douchey bfs who weren’t much better (actually worse in some ways)? But my past relationships weren’t what I think Urkel may have been so much bothered by as the things I did to myself or allowed others to do to me because I didn’t feel I was even worth standing up for. I was an awful, shell of a person before I met Urkel, but I hid it very well. I think if he knew this about me, he might think less of me. Though I still don’t see why a person wouldn’t talk to me about it… Anyway, part of the reason I had so many problems calling him after that was this fear…

By request, I’ve compiled several of my past postings from the KKK thread as to avoid writing it all over again. Haha. NARUTO-STYLE FLASHBACK NO JUTSU...

11-10-2007
I am kind of in the same love boat as you (hehe, love boat), but I'm still very much in love with a guy. For my 21st birthday (in 16 days!), I'm going to go to the place I used to work, which I have not been back to since I quit and am very frightened of going back to. But I need to in order to face that fear (had a bad experience there with some coworkers), and to hopefully see this guy again. I can't let my fear keep me from living my life. I can't let it get in the way of telling him how I feel any longer. It's been over a year. I need to get my feelings off my chest and most likely no good will come from it, but I will feel better having said it. Also I will drink some Irish whiskey so I will feel better anyway.

anyway, best of luck to you in your college applications! Glad you're getting started on it so soon!

Keri
11-16-2007
As for life in Keriland, I'm not QUITE as overloaded with homework and exams this week. Next week is thanksgiving break. I work on thanksgiving though so I don't have any special plans. Birthday is the following Monday right after break, and I have a freaking EXAM that day. stab. So no drinky drinky Sunday night HOWEVER I requested Monday and Tuesday off work and dont' have class Tuesdays so I'm getting WASTED on Monday. After the whole... confess my love thing. Wow. I've never confessed my love to someone before. It's scary thinking you might come off looking like a crazed stalker, falling in love with someone you barely got to know, who used to be there for you all the time but not when you really needed him... and still being in love with him, even a year after not seeing the person. I wonder if he ever misses me. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm a horrible person, or if he blames me for the horrible things that transpired. Or if maybe he just didn't know how to act around me and was scared. Even with all his flaws though, and his immaturity, I still love him.

Guess I will tell you about the guy. He'd be about 37/38 now (not sure when his birthday is) so nearly twice my age. He's a very attractive man, with one of the kindest, most infectious smiles I've ever seen (he used to tell me he only smiled at work when I was there, and the days when I wasn't he would be in a grumpy mood lol). He was something like 3/4 black 1/4 Native American, I guess. At work he used to stand up for me when the cooks gave me a hard time, he'd help me out when I didn't know what I was doing, and he always told me I was beautiful without ever touching me inappropriately or disrespecting me (this was a rare thing especially where we worked). One day he said probably the sweetest, most charming things a guy has ever said to me: "Keri, I'm like your Urkel and you're my Laura!" (relating to the show Family Matters, one of my favorite shows of all time). We started hanging out between shifts when we worked doubles, either eating and chatting at the restaurant or going across the parking lot to Barnes and Noble. One time we went to BN and he was looking at martial arts magazines (which he was very into) and I pulled out a manga. He couldn't have been any more awesome--he admitted to me that he LOVED anime and he couldn't believe I was a fan too, haha. So we talked about that and other things about ourselves. He coaches and plays hockey and loves to skate. When he asked me what music I listened to I admitted that my favorite band is The Cure, and his eyes lit up and he said "That's my SECOND FAVORITE band!!! My favorite is R.E.M." So from then on he would sing me Cure songs at work, his favorite to sing being "Caterpillar Girl".

If you're thinking this guy sounds great, where can I meet him, it's too good to be true, you're probably right on that last part--it was. He was not very responsible and the job he worked didn't pay well enough for him to afford his own place (after his former roommate bailed on him) or a car. He also had a friend, who was a woman (the second or third time she came to pick him up and hang out with him he unnecessarily added that she was his "drinking buddy" LOL)... and upon meeting her I immediately bonded with her, but it was awkward because I had a weird feeling about her and I'm not stupid. He'd shy away from me around her. I later found out after talking to her on the phone that they had been dating but took a break because he cheated on her, but that he was currently staying with her and mooching rides to work off of her. Which I think is why he stopped talking to me--because he was staying with her and she was getting mad cuz he was texting a girl all the time. I found out also from her that he actually had children, but that he never saw them or talked about them (and never admitted this to me!). I think he liked me to some extent, and that the chemistry we had was real, but there was a lot standing in our way (one thing being my age--I was only 19! he always wanted to buy me beers and would remember I was underage). Even knowing all these flaws though, and being friends with this girl, I still love him against all logic. nobody else is good enough for me because no one compares to him.

But hopefully I will see him again in ten days... and not choke on my words. When I really like someone, I tend to not be able to say how I feel, or even really joke around with them (though with him it was different oddly, I still felt somehow comfortable with him). Unfortunately I don't have anything to offer him but my feelings, so I don't think it will accomplish anything (that is, if he even cares to see or talk to me anymore).

well, guess that's what's up with me. oh, I'm also going to be a prostitute for a video we're shooting (going to mock Vice City). I'm not enthusiastic about it because I don't want to wear anything too skanky and don't own a lot of skanky-ish clothes. I don't want people to think I'm "that girl" you know. I worked hard to not be "that girl". I was very offended though because one guy in my group made the comment to me "I don't mean to be rude by saying this, but you seem like the kind of girl who gets around." We were in class and I'm supposed to try to get along with these people for the next two weeks, so I didn't punch him. But how do you respond to someone that says that? So I just pressed him. "Are you saying that because of the way I talk in class and joke about pervy, disgusting things, or something else?" and he replied "Yeah, I think that's it! I think it's just because you know, I only see girls as either being prude or permiscuous, and you don't seem like a prude." To which I said, "And because I'm a girl, it's not appropriate or socially acceptable for me to talk about or joke about sex, whereas if I were a guy saying the same thing there would be no stigma attached." And he agreed. This viewpoint pisses me off. So girls can only be prude or permiscuous with no inbetween, and if they joke about sex they must be interested or very sexual; whereas guys can do the same without any link to their sexuality. I added, "Not that it matters, but I actually have not had sex in a year or so. I just happen to have a sick sense of humor and I don't feel like conforming to other people's ideas of what is socially acceptable for my gender. I want to be myself."

*would just like to note that the guy from above I still to this day refer to as "My Urkel" or at the very least "Urkel", which became my pet name for him.

11-20-2007
well, this is what I thought too. I thought, "wow, it's probably a good thing things didn't work out. He was hiding all this from me! At least I can move on knowing that." But I couldn't, for several reasons. And you can't control who you love or take it back, and I never got those feelings out there or really ended things on a good note, so I was confused. I'm not perfect myself, even though I don't cheat or have illegitimate children, or any children, before I met him I was a trainwreck.

Keep in mind though, all this added stuff I heard about him was from his EX GIRLFRIEND. Emphasis on ex. I'm sure a lot of it was true, but some could have been exaggerated because of her frustrations feeling used by him. Which also is a bad thing. OR, she could have known all along I was the girl he'd been texting/flirting with/talking to all the time, and tried to make him look less attractive to me by trashing him--though I doubt this, as I think we really did form a friendship and bonded somewhat, it's still possible.

I never actually talked to HIM about it. I never hung out with him enough one-to-one to really get to know him aside from his interests and his personality. Of course he wouldn't tell me he had children--where would that have come from? When would he have told me? Sometimes that's a turn off, especially with me being a young girl, so it wouldn't surprise me if an older guy withheld that for a little while. Also, I didn't actually date him or anything, so he had no obligation to tell me anything.

I never approached him with this information either. I didn't get a chance because he blew me off. He stopped responding to my calls and texts, seemed reluctant to meet with me when he DID respond at one time, and avoided the places we could meet (that I was willing to meet him at--I think he knew that much when he saw how uncomfortable I was getting even close to the area).

I'm not going to try to talk to the guy to start something or expect something miraculous. I don't know that I logically would even want a relationship with him, because I don't know a whole lot about him really. But I do want to get the feelings I have off my chest and at least figure out why he stopped talking to me. I have this huge fear that he stopped talking to me because of some of my mistakes/character that someone might have told him about just as his ex did with me. And I wouldnt' want someone to give up on me without approaching me about it first, so why should I do the same for someone else?

cheating isn't the worst thing a person could do to another person, though it is bad. It is far from the worst thing. I of course would be horribly disgusted if someone did that to me and it would end the relationship, but I wouldn't feel it was the end of the world, or feel like dying, or be traumatized by it. Unless someone gave me HIV or an STI or something, ugh. I'd kill em.

as for the kids thing again... I don't know how much of what Nicole said was true because he really did seem to like kids. He coaches peewee hockey. He mentioned that he had a dream of me once where he and his kid cousin were watching me skydive lol. So I guess I don't see why he wouldn't see his kids or want to, unless he had some contraints--no car, mother that didn't want him around. And you know, I really know very little about this and I won't rely solely on gossip.
__________________

11-27-2007 (day after birthday)
alright update on how my birthday went.

Went to the old job site hoping to see Urkel, knowing it was unlikely he'd be there. I ordered a beer and towards the end of the evening I asked my server out of the blue if Urkel (his full name) was still working there, figuring that he'd been there for 10 years and probably was still there. She answered, "Actually he didn't show up one day and I think he got fired last weekend, but it's just a rumor."

Which 1)pisses me off because they didn't fire someone else for something WAY WAY worse an

2)Makes this whole thing very hopeless. My only tie to him is possibly his girlfriend/roommate/ex girlfriend person and that would just be awkward. What is the likelihood that he would get fired the weekend before my birthday, when I decide to go out of my way and try to see him again? When does that happen?

So I think this means "give up"... though not the way I'd hoped because this way I will still have that regret and can't really let go. and I hate the idea of fate. It's just that he's impossible to find and doesn't want to be found apparently.

WAITING FOR BLEACH-STYLE RESOLVE NO JUTSU...

NarutoNineTails

01-09-2008, 03:29 PM

I want the flashback in animation please. ;)

Edit:
Now had the time to read your post.

He did avoid you since he did respond to you once. That means he did get your previous texts/messages and he ignored them...right? Based just on that I would tell you to try to move on but I think that is too late. U already invested lot of time and effort trying to find him back now. I think it won't matter how many people tell you otherwise. ;)

It also seems like you took one possibility off your equation. Maybe he was avoiding you because he thought you were too good for him. I'm sure he could sense also that there was something developing the between the two of you and he could easily have though it was in your best interest to not get involved with a person that you yourself described as "irresponsible". This also says a lot about yourself too imo. If this idea hasn't ever come across yourself...it says quite a bit about your own self esteem. I might be completely be out of line to say that but that's the impression I got from reading your last post.

Hope that last paragraph didn't add fuel to the fire...lol.

eyeshadowlady

01-09-2008, 05:33 PM

visual flashback ftw (http://s112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/?action=view&current=urkel2.flv)

All the pictures not of me in the red/gray sweater (taken when i went to visit his place of work for my bday) are from around the time I knew him, since I have no pictures of him :(. A poem I wrote shortly after losing contact with him, highly influenced by him... other stuffs

I highly doubt he would avoid me and stop talking to me for my own benefit... especially when he knew I needed him most at the time. Also, while he praised me and obviously wasn't perfect, he had a lot of self esteem and wasn't the type to believe he didn't deserve me. Though he was irresponsible, it puts no damper on my feelings, but just on the possibility of getting ahold of him and keeping our connection with this limitation. My sister is just like him, but is lucky enough to have many people bail her out--there are many people like that in the world, some are lucky and some are not. I won't hold it against him, but have always sought to give him a second chance before giving up.

Also, as mentioned before, I'm mostly just seeking closure... if I receive more, that's wonderful, but I can't really move on until I receive closure.

Thistle

01-09-2008, 06:58 PM

If Keith is the man like you described him (and i don't doubt that) then he wouldn't have severed his connection with you because of some things from your past. And something bad happening to you wouldn't have changed his feelings either, since it didn't scare him when you met him. Him being able to sense something happening to you just by looking at you and into your eyes tells me that he knew you good enough and felt close enough to you not to feel repulsed but to feel and care for you.

So i doubt that either your past or bad things happening in your life was his reason for leaving. I think it was something in his life which made him go away. And if it was his girlfriend making him go away,well, sorry to say so, but then you should start to deal with the loss.

But perhaps nowadays, after such a long time, he would be happy to see you again...so try to find him. Should you find him you will perhaps hear about his reason from him, and can add the missing last page to the story of you and him.

But maybe, just maybe, you will get the happy end with him that you deserve? I don't want to give false hope to you, you know yourself how chances are to find him. But like i already said, try everything you can, so that even shouldn't you find him, you can say that you did everything that was possible.

But like others said i got the feeling that you are desperately seeking for the feeling you had when being with him, not that much for the person itself? Believe me, you can find that again. It can't be forced, but if you somehow can end this chapter of your life then you can finally start do deal with it. And then the day will come when you can remember Keith without feeling lonely or hurt.

NarutoNineTails

01-09-2008, 07:37 PM

I wasn't serious bout the animation part but tx anyways...haha.

gotcha...trying to understand a situation over couple of posts doesn't do justice. Probably not from what you mentioned but it still could be possible that you were fooled by his front? I can easily imagine someone portraying himself as being confident on the outside especially if he has a list of irresponsible qualities that he is hiding.

Also, if he knew that you needed him most during that time yet he still distanced himself from you...then one cause of his withdrawal could easily be whatever that caused your hardship? Did he know why you needed him then? If so was he turned off by that? Or maybe he simply didn't want to deal with the "baggage" that comes with people who are in need. If the latter is the case, then the wrong person to fall in love with.

MiMi_Chan

01-09-2008, 08:26 PM

NNT is quite the advice giver. Shall we name him Dr.Phil of NC? :p

Anyways, I agree that closure is something you need. Whether good or bad, no use wondering, cause that's just a horrible feeling.

Like NNT and others have said, the choice to leave was his finally, not any other person's >_>

I find it a tad odd that you hung out with him seemingly quite a bit yet have so little ways to get in touch.

NarutoNineTails

01-09-2008, 08:50 PM

I might hurt azure's feelings if I take away his Dr. tag. lol. ;)

MiMi_Chan

01-09-2008, 08:55 PM

lol fine, we can call you Mr. or something XD

NarutoNineTails

01-09-2008, 09:01 PM

your hubby would approve of Mr. NNT. It goes well with my old theme...lol.

This better not stick mimi or my next target might be you...haha. ;)

nitestalker666

01-09-2008, 09:41 PM

Ooooh Mr. NNT...sounds so formal.

*hands NNT a tuxedo* :D

As far as ESL's troubles go I don't really have any advice to give. I know she'll make the choice she feels is best for her. It seems she's already being given advice from both sides of the spectrum, so anything I might say would just be a repetition of prior posts.

I still wish ESL all the best though *hugs ESL* :D

Kristi

01-10-2008, 01:59 PM

Awww ESL congrats on your own thread =P (although I hope this doesn't mean she's quitting as an angel ='[)

I'm sorry youre still having troubles with the whole Urkel thing =/ (stupid boys >_<) I hope everything works out for you =/ but personally no matter how you feel, I don't think you should try to track him down, I mean other than through myspace or facebook or something >< cause otherwise if you cant explain it it might be stalkerish =/ idk

either way good luck!! =D

eyeshadowlady

01-10-2008, 03:18 PM

You don't think facebooking/myspacing someone is stalkerish? I think the borderline between "stalking" is very dependent on what people think is socially acceptable. If someone doesn't have a facebook or myspace, what then? FB/MS is like the half ass/don't really care enough method of trying to get back in touch with someone and stalk them. It's new age stalking, but still stalking nonetheless;)

But I am still debating on whether to follow through with my leads. It may be a waste of money. It may not even be the right person or give me an updated number. I've been seriously considering building up my nerves one more time to go to my old place of work and looking for the brewer (who is the only manager ish person who I can talk to about this as the other is an old lesbian b*tch general manager who I had a VERY hard time with) or maybe just a cocktail waitress who'd remember me who I could ask if he ever comes back, to tell him I asked for him and maybe leave my number for him... or something. What would you guys think of that? It's very hard to explain to you why this would be so emotionally difficult for me but just think of your biggest fear/phobia and imagine being surrounded by it, enveloped in it in its worse scenario, and times that by 100, and you might understand somewhat how I feel about this place except it's more about the people, and it's more rational than a phobia:spy:

Thistle

01-10-2008, 03:38 PM

What would you guys think of that?

If you could get hurt by going there then don't do it. If old memories could trouble you again. And how long would you wait for him to call?

Nonetheless it is a good try, probably the best thing you can do right now. Unless he never visits there any more. But you can never be sure unless you ask.

If you go there, i'll be with you in spirit ESL...

eyeshadowlady

01-10-2008, 03:39 PM

awe, thanks Thistle. I will take that to heart if I gain the courage to go there...

MiMi_Chan

01-10-2008, 03:42 PM

I think you at the very least need an answer, be it good or bad. So if you feel you need this to move on then in all ways, go for it. Nothing is wasted if you feel you need it.

I'll be with you too and I'll scribble my phone number in case you need some backup in a dark alley :)

NarutoNineTails

01-10-2008, 03:52 PM

eyeshadowlady

01-12-2008, 03:43 PM

Can you list out (by yourself unless u want to tell us) some really bad consequences of going back to this place? Afterwards see if it is really as bad as you imagined it and weigh its risks vs. rewards?

No, it's too personal and even though I sometimes pour my heart out on here I don't like to put some information online. I don't think it's necessary information anyway :/.

As for non-Urkel related material, I've decided to quit drinking. When I drink in public more than twice a week it's a problem for me :/.

ESL

NarutoNineTails

01-12-2008, 04:42 PM

I'm not trying to pry out information from anyone here. Does it sound like it though? haha.

My last post was a suggestion u might want to consider for yourself. It might help you decide one way or the other.

eyeshadowlady

01-13-2008, 12:22 AM

MiMi_Chan

01-13-2008, 12:28 AM

Well I think you've taken the right decision by going for it. You know your options and what'll come of it, so that's a good thing IMO.

If it doesn't work out then like you said, you tried everything you could and if he wasn't willing to try on his side(assuming it got to him), well that should be a sign of what kind of closure you'd be getting.

I'm proud of you for going through all of this ESL, you're really a strong girl and idk if I'd personally have enough strength to chase down someone dear to me who left so suddenly.

But yeah, good luck with everything

I wish you the best because IMO, you deserve nothing but that :)

eyeshadowlady

01-13-2008, 12:34 AM

that's too many IMOs! I DO deserve nothing better, it shouldn't jsut be your opinion! ;) hehe :)

Thanks Meems. I'm glad to have your support. I will keep you all in mind as I made that dreadful walk down the plank to the restaurant and try to hold in my shaking and panic attacks.

MiMi_Chan

01-13-2008, 12:41 AM

There were only 2 IMOs XD

Anyways, I wish you luck and if you don't feel too uncomfortable, I'd like to know about perhaps the outcome(if any) or such :)

Thistle

01-13-2008, 02:55 PM

ah. well, I've obviously already weighed this decision. Logically there should be nothing in this world that would move me to go to that place. And the likelihood of any good coming from it would be incredibly small. However, I've decided to do it. I don't know when, or how... but sometime I will.

As long as you are sure about it it's the right thing to do, no matter how slim chances are. You sound like you are pretty realistic about the chances for success, but nonetheless, as long as it gives you the feeling that you did everything you could then it is a gain for you. Take your own sweet time and find the right moment to go there.

And that would be as good as closure to me since the thing I struggle with most is that I may not have done enough before, or may have made some horrible mistake that he condemned me for. This would set me at ease.

Have confidence in yourself, ESL, and don't feel like you are responsible for him going away, it was his decision after all. I believe that he got his reasons and that they got nothing to do with you having done anything "wrong". I simply refuse to believe that.

And yes, please tell us after you did go there, and in case you got a positive result, because that's what we all would like to see happening. :)

NarutoNineTails

01-13-2008, 03:36 PM

in the process u might overcome your "phobia" to a certain extent too. Good luck to u ESL. ;)

eyeshadowlady

01-15-2008, 03:41 PM

Sad to say but it looks like around next week on I will not be on NC or online very often at all...

My classes are very strenuous and involve a LOT of reading and homework and long papers. On top of this (I have five courses also which adds an extra load of stress on my shoulders) I have my job... which for some reason is scheduling me four days a week now that school's started and only scheduled me 2 during break... so I really do not have any time for goofing around.

I'm going to inform my managers that I will only be available to work 2 days a week after this schedule, because that's all I will be able to bear with the workload ahead of me.

I'll be around this week but you may not see much of me anymore until the semester's over...

ESL

papfles

01-15-2008, 03:47 PM

A forum is hardly something that compares to studying / working, so I don't think anyone would object to you lowering your activity here (although it is never fun to hear that).

I hope you pass all your classes and that you become wealthy by finding a suitcase full of money, so that you don't have to work during school too.

nitestalker666

01-15-2008, 03:55 PM

Bah!! Just drop some classes so you can be on here more ESL :D, LOL!

How many classes do you have currently?

eyeshadowlady

01-15-2008, 04:03 PM

thanks pap, I'm glad you understand :)

Though even if I found a suitcase full of money, I don't think I would ever stop working or worrying about money. If I drop below $1000, I freak out. If I only save up $2000, I think that's not enough, it will go away so fast and I wish I could have saved more for cushion. $3000, that's better, but man, why'd I have to spend money at that one place? $6000, yeah it seems like a lot, but I need to pay for books, and school, and bills, and pay off my car, and I'd like not to have to work for awhile (this actually happened to me and the $6000 didn't last long :(). A suitcase full of money would be great, but my work ethic/fear of being irresponsible and losing my cushion and having to change all my plans is too great to abandon.

I may have to drop a class if this is too much for me. One of my classes is a 300 level course which I guess means a lot more sh*t to do. I've got looooooong papers in two classes and many big assignments also... a lot of reading assignments... I think every class I'm taking has reading/writing assignments so that sucks. I like to read and to write but I get so sick of it when it becomes this overwhelming big blob.

wish me luck anyway! hopefully I'll be on top of it this semester!

MiMi_Chan

01-15-2008, 04:06 PM

Well I can't really give you any advice on money seeing as I have little of it these days(hence why I'm reluctant on Pap's allowance lol :p) XD

As for classes, well they sound tough so I wish you the best of luck ^.^ I'm pretty sure you can pull it off and we don't expect you to have time for NC as much as before if any. I'm going to lower my activity next week too when class starts. 7 classes this semester so a pretty full week for me too :p

papfles

01-15-2008, 04:16 PM

Though even if I found a suitcase full of money, I don't think I would ever stop working or worrying about money. If I drop below $1000, I freak out. If I only save up $2000, I think that's not enough, it will go away so fast and I wish I could have saved more for cushion. $3000, that's better, but man, why'd I have to spend money at that one place? $6000, yeah it seems like a lot, but I need to pay for books, and school, and bills, and pay off my car, and I'd like not to have to work for awhile (this actually happened to me and the $6000 didn't last long ). A suitcase full of money would be great, but my work ethic/fear of being irresponsible and losing my cushion and having to change all my plans is too great to abandon.

Then we'll have to leave a suitcase full of money every week.

NarutoNineTails

01-15-2008, 04:25 PM

Ahh the student days...oh i miss thee...lol.

Drop us an update (bragging about your successes) once u get more time ESL. ;)

Thistle

01-15-2008, 04:28 PM

It's sad that you won't be around that often but you got to set priorities, real life comes first.

Of course we wish you luck and we all support you! Even if it means to not having you around that much. I'm sure you will manage and that at semester's end you can say with pride that you succeeded :)

eyeshadowlady

01-16-2008, 02:13 PM

nitestalker666

01-16-2008, 02:17 PM

eyeshadowlady

01-16-2008, 02:32 PM

LMFAO!!! That's awesome ESL. Did your mom bring them snacks and beverages? "Oh Chido, before you finish off Kristi, have a glass of milk and a brownie. You don't want to lose your energy" HAHAHAHA!!! :D:D

well it was more nudiness than anything... I don't particularly remember any sex scenes though there may have been some... I know I wasn't involved in any.

I'm trying to analyze this dream and it's a bit hard (:D) as you can imagine.

I remember people rotated though. like kayleen and kristi left and the porno girls came in. then some other girls came in that I didn't know. same for the guys.

Thistle

01-16-2008, 02:48 PM

Oh my you remember many detail ESL...i wish i would remember more details of my dreams (especially such ones...) :D

Well they say that our own subconsciousness wants to tell us things in dreams...i wonder what it wanted to tell you by letting you be an observer to such a scene. And i don't mean this as a naughty comment...

eyeshadowlady

02-05-2008, 12:06 AM

short update:

I changed my mind. Going back to that place again is just unfathomable to me. And I think it would prove pointless yet again anyway...

So I'm going for my OTHER last resort that I thought seemed so rediculous: I'm going to try to contact the ex girlfriend to say that we should all hang out again. Assuming this works, I'm really hoping to talk to him again and find out what exactly happened and why we lost contact, and get some closure if nothing else. If it doesn't work or she hates me, it can't hurt either :). I will be able to move on as best as possible knowing I tried everything I could.

Happy News:

Feeling better. Was very ill if you didn't know. And now I am just nauseous and a little ill.

Learning a dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wlNcoBcZU). The one at 1:38-1:43 in particular. I found it hilarious and decided I would attempt to master it! So my friend Chelle and I are going at it. Will post video of our progress!!!

Bad news: Not doing well in one of my classes due to my being extremely ill last week... and not being able to contact the teacher because she was unreachable and I wasn't sure who I SHOULD contact... now I'm effed in the effer :(

Other: I may decide to study abroad next year or (more likely) the year after. Haven't decided where if I do this but I'm thinking either Europe or Japan :). Penis Dan (the guy I made out with and told I had a penis... yes, you remember him) did this last year and went to Austrailia and had a great time, even though he's a douche. And I thought, well if he can do that, I certainly can :P Any suggestions for where to go?

Itachi4ever

02-05-2008, 12:15 AM

hope you feel better soon, and hope everything works out.

estranged

02-05-2008, 12:56 AM

Any suggestions for where to go? Amsterdam, Holland ofcourse (duh!). i hear they have great programs *winkwink

Erosannin

02-05-2008, 01:27 AM

Ahhh...

I can still remember it like yesterday... when I was the president, and a proud member of F.O.B union in our E.S.L class... That was the place where I first learned how to say that classic chick pick-up line of "me luv u long time, so come hea nao~"

But why would ESL needs own thread? I'm sure many of us FOBs have graduated out of that years ago and... oh, wait a second...

Ahh... Eye Shadow Lady? Oh hello thar~ har har...

*~~~~~ silence ~~~~~ *

Wil u luv me long time too? No? Not even little? *pouts*

>.<

*poof!!*

AK47

02-05-2008, 01:46 AM

ESL? for like ESL students? here i learn can english? thank you please?

Erosannin

02-05-2008, 03:44 AM

ESL? for like ESL students? here i learn can english? thank you please?

U still need furtha ejumacation. U no make fun of FOBs, or me boink u yes?

MiMi_Chan

02-05-2008, 08:17 AM

Good luck with Urkel ESL, hope it works out and you get your closure :)

Good luck on the dance as well lol, I found it quite funny though are you actually able to bend your body at such extreme angles like those animated characters? One of them is nearly over 45 degrees bent at one time XD

As for your class, try contacting another few students to at least get some small info on what was done and what needs to be done. The teacher you usually go see for pinpoint direct info on class material or assignments.

And for studies.....hmm idk, it's really up to you what kind of experience you want, but I find it a great initiative that you're considering abroad. I alway say traveling while you're young is a good thing ^_^.

Chidongan

02-05-2008, 07:01 PM

Here's something funny:

I had a dream last night that a buncha members (heh, members) from NC got together at my house to make an NC porno mag. To promote NC you know.

Some "guests" participated as well, very apparent experienced porn stars. Kayleen and Kristi were there. I remember Chido and Azure very well. hahaha.

And my mom would come in to check on us and how we were doing. "Oh, keep up the good work!"

hahaha... it was baaaad.... but soooo good... just thought you'd all appreciate.

Hahahaha omg, I think I love you. ^_^

Thats freakin' awesome. <33

LMFAO!!! That's awesome ESL. Did your mom bring them snacks and beverages? "Oh Chido, before you finish off Kristi, have a glass of milk and a brownie. You don't want to lose your energy" HAHAHAHA!!! :D:D
Sex and brownies?!

Thats no dream! It's heaven!! :O
well it was more nudiness than anything... I don't particularly remember any sex scenes though there may have been some... I know I wasn't involved in any.

I'm trying to analyze this dream and it's a bit hard (:D) as you can imagine.

I remember people rotated though. like kayleen and kristi left and the porno girls came in. then some other girls came in that I didn't know. same for the guys.
Wait, so you saw me nude in your dream? :O

*sigh*

Guess I have to return the favor. ^_^ <3
Oh my you remember many detail ESL...i wish i would remember more details of my dreams (especially such ones...) :D

Well they say that our own subconsciousness wants to tell us things in dreams...i wonder what it wanted to tell you by letting you be an observer to such a scene. And i don't mean this as a naughty comment...
I forget all my dreams except the sex ones.

My first wet dream involved a girl in a red dress and me inside a locker. ^_^
short update:

I changed my mind. Going back to that place again is just unfathomable to me. And I think it would prove pointless yet again anyway...

So I'm going for my OTHER last resort that I thought seemed so rediculous: I'm going to try to contact the ex girlfriend to say that we should all hang out again. Assuming this works, I'm really hoping to talk to him again and find out what exactly happened and why we lost contact, and get some closure if nothing else. If it doesn't work or she hates me, it can't hurt either :). I will be able to move on as best as possible knowing I tried everything I could.

Happy News:

Feeling better. Was very ill if you didn't know. And now I am just nauseous and a little ill.

Learning a dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wlNcoBcZU). The one at 1:38-1:43 in particular. I found it hilarious and decided I would attempt to master it! So my friend Chelle and I are going at it. Will post video of our progress!!!

Bad news: Not doing well in one of my classes due to my being extremely ill last week... and not being able to contact the teacher because she was unreachable and I wasn't sure who I SHOULD contact... now I'm effed in the effer :(

Other: I may decide to study abroad next year or (more likely) the year after. Haven't decided where if I do this but I'm thinking either Europe or Japan :). Penis Dan (the guy I made out with and told I had a penis... yes, you remember him) did this last year and went to Austrailia and had a great time, even though he's a douche. And I thought, well if he can do that, I certainly can :P Any suggestions for where to go?

Hmm. I seem to behind on the whole "Urkel" situation as MiMi puts it, but I'll be sure to read everything as soon as I can.

As for the happy news, I can't wait to see the video. You can make any dance look sexy. ^_^

That sucks. Missing class, especially in college, always screws you up. I hope everything works out.

Studying abroad?! Just come to California, I'll teach you everything you need to know. ^_^

eyeshadowlady

02-05-2008, 07:24 PM

sorry chido, I will never go to Cali :P. Too many a-holes from Iowa movin over there. shudder...

I still love you though! <3 haha glad you enjoyed my dream, Idid too ^_^

Erosannin

02-05-2008, 07:33 PM

haha glad you enjoyed my dream, Idid too ^_^

Hey fellas, am I too late???

Wait... it's over???

-_-

*zips up* I was hoping for a threesome... oh well, back to the drawing board...

*poof!*

MiMi_Chan

02-05-2008, 07:33 PM

ESL, mind telling us the expectations you'd like from traveling/studying abroad? People go to different places for different reasons so a summary of what you'd like/expect would help in choosing a place ^_^ You want a learning experience obviously but anything else yo want to get from the said place?

eyeshadowlady

02-05-2008, 07:45 PM

hmm i'm not sure yet, but i'm interested in sociology so I could see about anything being interesting ^_^. Also would like to study another language (preferably Japanese, which is apparently impossible to study in Iowa as no schools seem to offer it). Would mostly enjoy the trip for the cultural/social experience and getting the eff outta IA :). So I guess a place rich in culture, or beauty, or history...

ero: you were a latecummer, sorry :(

MiMi_Chan

02-05-2008, 07:49 PM

Kk because you know, different places have different effects on you. :D From learning more about the outside(the place itself), to learning about yourself more, to realizations about the world, I've realized a number of those in the few travels I've done and I'm sure it won't be the same again for other travels. ^_^

You'd be best in a place rich with culture and mildly interesting since you still are studying so yeah Europe and Japan are good choices, though might I ask if you plan on traveling outside of studies, trips with different aims allow for a wider selection of pales(ex: you won't go to a poorer country for studies necessarily but those have something to offer as well)

eyeshadowlady

02-05-2008, 07:52 PM

MiMi_Chan

02-05-2008, 08:02 PM

Ah yes, I went to a trip across Canada and we did learn a lot so it's worth learning about your own country(no matter how dull it may seem to you lol :p) before going elsewhere ^_^.

If you can have the funds I'd suggest trying different places for different reasons, traveling is a way of learning life gives us and IMO, it's quite an experience.

I'm going to Tunisia next month for humanitarian purposes and I can't wait :D

Sasukemania

02-05-2008, 09:15 PM

of course i would love to do that too :) but I will do what I can afford to do! or well, guess i cant afford much of anything, but whatever ican reasonably afford :). so probably not a lot of trips for awhile but first i have to work on learning more about my own country :S I've barely left the state! This summer i will probably head to NY :) and maybe meet Kristi and Hidden while i'm there

Well US is like four or five countries so you got some right saying that u want to learn more about ur own country. But you should visit Europe too. I think u should love Paris or London. You probably will get sick of how much they follow the American life style but there's still some differences^^

papfles

02-05-2008, 09:19 PM

You probably will get sick of how much they follow the American life style but there's still some differences^^

WOW, London and Paris can in NO way be compared to any American city or lifestyle imo :-/

Thistle

02-05-2008, 09:29 PM

WOW, London and Paris can in NO way be compared to any American city or lifestyle imo :-/

I think i hear some irony here...:twitch:

MiMi_Chan

02-05-2008, 09:31 PM

No Country can really be the same :p. I mean, Canada is the US's neighbor yet I can see the differences and so did my american friend when he came up.

Chidongan

02-05-2008, 10:19 PM

sorry chido, I will never go to Cali :P. Too many a-holes from Iowa movin over there. shudder...

I still love you though! <3 haha glad you enjoyed my dream, Idid too ^_^

Awww. =/

It hurts.

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 01:44 AM

you like the pain. don't lie.

It's nothing against you chido, I have an ex boyfriend in cali, and other acquaintances I care not for :) you can always come here

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 01:50 AM

you like the pain. don't lie.

It's nothing against you chido, I have an ex boyfriend in cali, and other acquaintances I care not for :) you can always come here

To Iowa?

Pft! No thanks. ^_^

We can just cyber, makes things easier for everyone. ^_^

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 01:59 AM

To Iowa?

Pft! No thanks. ^_^

We can just cyber, makes things easier for everyone. ^_^

yep. you can take a walk through campus with me while it snows. ^_^
http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/DSCN0176.jpg
here's a pic I took today documenting an exciting journey I typically take... it tells the story of many paths taken... by many people... with shoes... in the snow... people who probably have thoughts and dreams and souls. Kinda makes ya think, huh?

See, Iowa's not all that bad. found out there's another IA person on the forum too, I'm officially creeped out. he hasn't posted in forever though :P

Nick

02-06-2008, 02:01 AM

nice shoes..

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:02 AM

the shoe prints or actual shoes that don't show as I don't believe my feet exist?

Nick

02-06-2008, 02:04 AM

that reminds me of a joke about God making women's feet smaller so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink without spilling water when they do dishes.

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:09 AM

nope the Chinese do that.

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:13 AM

yep. you can take a walk through campus with me while it snows. ^_^
http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/DSCN0176.jpg
here's a pic I took today documenting an exciting journey I typically take... it tells the story of many paths taken... by many people... with shoes... in the snow... people who probably have thoughts and dreams and souls. Kinda makes ya think, huh?

See, Iowa's not all that bad. found out there's another IA person on the forum too, I'm officially creeped out. he hasn't posted in forever though :P

Hmm. Sounds fun. ^_^

But in California, we have:

http://l.yimg.com/img.tv.yahoo.com/tv/us/img/site/86/38/0000038638_20070322181917.jpg

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:17 AM

But it Iowa we have:

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/l_195fd7bb8a2effb5b3c905387319e96f.jpg

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:19 AM

But it Iowa we have:

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/l_195fd7bb8a2effb5b3c905387319e96f.jpg

Damn, you win. :O

*Packs bags*

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:22 AM

I always do Chid... I always do...

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:25 AM

I always do Chid... I always do...

Hell yeah.

But it's only because you use my weakness against me. ^_^

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:26 AM

:O Chido has a weakness?! Do not let the secret out!!! Shhh!!! :)

I feel like the most powerful person in the world now :O

Dream Catcher

02-06-2008, 02:27 AM

Hmmm that is an ugly chick chido.. is that u ?

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:30 AM

:O Chido has a weakness?! Do not let the secret out!!! Shhh!!! :)

I feel like the most powerful person in the world now :O

My weakness is women.

Everyone knows that.

But then again, it's also my greatest strength. ^_^

I think. O_o

Hmmm that is an ugly chick chido.. is that u ?

I should hope not!

It's Miss California, don't compare me to such unattractive folk! :O

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:32 AM

nonsense Chido. Someone as shmexiful as you is not limited by gender.

Your only weakness can be sex. Also coincidentally your greatest strength and ally ;)

Dream Catcher

02-06-2008, 02:32 AM

WTH.. thats miss cali?? Ugly i tell ya

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:41 AM

nonsense Chido. Someone as shmexiful as you is not limited by gender.

Your only weakness can be sex. Also coincidentally your greatest strength and ally ;)

Hmm. I guess you're right. ^_^

WTH.. thats miss cali?? Ugly i tell ya

I know! I picked the first picture I saw.

What happened to the hot Miss California? =/

eyeshadowlady

02-06-2008, 02:43 AM

What happened to you running?

Chidongan

02-06-2008, 02:44 AM

What happened to you running?

Apparently I'm classified as 'male'.

Geh! They can be so harsh sometimes. =/

eyeshadowlady

02-22-2008, 09:44 AM

Update:

So after my nearly near-death experience, I realized something I should have a long time ago: If I'd died, Keith would not have known or cared. So why the f*ck do I care so much? I shouldn't.

But, maybe a big part of why I still held onto him was that I didn't want to move on, or develop feelings for someone else. It makes sense. There's a lot of risk to that.

I'm currently failing all of my exams... except the hardest one, which for some reason I got an 80% on by guessing and bullsh*tting and remembering some sh*t by some miracle.

I'm very tired. Very very tired. All the time. But I can't sleep. Toom uch homework. Too much work. And all my work barely pays off. sigh.

That's what's goign on with me now!!

NarutoNineTails

02-22-2008, 01:22 PM

I remember the times when I thought I bombed an exam and I ended up ok...lol. Too bad it doesn't occur too often.

Hang in there ESL. ;)

Kristi

02-23-2008, 09:55 AM

Aw ESL Im sorry things havent been going so great lately :/ its always hard trying to get over someone..and i bet you did better on your exams than you thought..youre a strong woman Keri, and i know that youll pull through :)

MiMi_Chan

02-23-2008, 10:57 AM

Sorry to hear things aren't going too well :(

I wish you luck in getting over Keith. From the looks of it, you're already starting so good for you ^^

As for your exams, it kinda sucks that you're failing but the semester isn't over so you can always catch up later(you're a smart gal so I'm sure you'll make it :)). Seems you're trying hard to deal with everything and that isn't easy so I commend you for that :) But try and not take on everything at once, we're all human and we have limits.

Try and get some rest the most you can to get better soon and nail all those exams ^_^

Thistle

02-24-2008, 05:28 PM

Keep on going ESL but...you know what i am going to say. You got to get some rest, get enough sleep and some moments where you can enjoy life. I know that things don't look that well at the moment, but there will be happier times. You survived a serious accident, don't expect that not to have an effect, like on your studies. If you did as good as you could on your exams, what is there to regret...it's not your fault. But i am only telling you things that you already know. We are here to offer support to you whenever you need it :)

NarutoNineTails

02-25-2008, 04:44 PM

Have u tried Hidden's suggestion of maybe taking a re-test for those failed exams ESL? U have a legitimate excuse...u almost died after all.

MiMi_Chan

02-25-2008, 05:35 PM

Yeah a medical re-take would be possible considering the circumstances.

If they insist on making you fail those exams despite your condition(which would suck of them >_>), I think a medical delete of the course itself is possible(at least here it is) so you can retake the course without a failing grade to your academic record.

papfles

02-25-2008, 07:27 PM

MiMi_Chan

02-25-2008, 07:35 PM

Well considering it's a life-threatening situation, they have to allow some kind of accommodation. Be it a re-take, some kind of postponing or something.

I know they can't accommodate all the time but at least perhaps pass you on the next time the exam is given(if it's a final) without a failing grade on the one you were supposed to pass >_>

eyeshadowlady

02-25-2008, 08:47 PM

Thistle

02-25-2008, 09:38 PM

I dont know what to do. Most of my teachers are not proponants of makeup exams or especially retaking exams, regardless of the reason :S. Their only exceptions tend to be either in the hospital at the time (POSSIBLY) or a school-related leave (sports or class trips). Joanna isn't doing so well either, and at this point we're both kind of thinking of giving up, and I hate to think that :/. It's just very hard to catch up and to do well and try to understand with a concussion and so much other work to do and being so tired all the time and in need of more sleep to heal, and then work on top of that. I just never have time. Right now for instance I should be doing my statistics and sociology homework, but I'm just so frustrated by it that I had to take some time to get away from it. And I have a lot of cleaning I need to do around the apartment but really haven't had the time at all! Especially with a sick pup on top of everything else... sigh...

Please consider asking if you could retake the exams, or asking a trustworthy teacher for advice and help. But take your time to think about quitting altogether. Maybe ask if it is possible to stay away for the rest of the term and repeat it?

Please don't let frustration take control of you. Keep on going, you are strong, and there will be better times. School, work, recovering from the accident, looking after your pet and caring for other people seems to be such an amount of things to do, please take care of yourself first. Think about what you want and what is currently possible for you. Then decide about how to go on.

NarutoNineTails

02-27-2008, 03:02 PM

Imo, the only thing the professors can say to deny u a retake or some other form of arrangement is why u didn't approach the professors before the exam? Unless of course they are just asses.

There aren't many more compelling reason for a some sort of leniency than one's health...in your case both physically and mentally.

Edit:
and does it really hurt to ask? unless u r currently ok with what has happened to your grades. the longer u wait the less likely the professors will be accommodating imo.

MiMi_Chan

02-27-2008, 05:42 PM

Yeah I agree ESL, ask your teachers and see what happens if you haven't already.

You have a medical condition which hinders your education so things can be done. You can re-take exams if you feel up to it but if you realyl wanan quit, I suggest going to see the college dean or academic advising or something to get a medical delete of the course for this semester. That way, you can re-take it next semester and not get a failing rgade to your record.

eyeshadowlady

03-10-2008, 09:52 AM

quick update:

I'm very sick. Started as a bad sore throat; thought it might be strep but had no other symptoms, so I didn't go to a doctor. This lasted a few days and drove me very crazy, couldn't swallow very much (hah), and other annoyances. Then yesterday, I started developing a headache while I studied for my exam today. Okay, no big deal, I'll take some voltarin and it should go away, right? Nope, just got worse. Suddenly it became a huge migraine, worse than those I had after the accident even. I got really nauseous, too--felt similar to the migraines I get when I have an allergic reaction to milk products.

So yeah, I was throwing up for most of the night, and had a hard time sleeping because of my headache. And now I have an exam I didn't study enough for, yay. The headache is mostly gone now though at least. But I'm still going to see a doctor and skip my other classes if I can. Ugh, if this messes me up on the test though, I'll be so mad. I've missed enough class already from being sick and my accident. There is some little demon following me around, screwing up any chances I have at passing my classes, I swear.

ESL

Kristi

03-10-2008, 09:58 AM

Aw Keri I'm really sorry to hear that and I hope you feel better soon =/

Good luck on your exams :)

btw Keri: me, you and Chido need to talk about something sometime =X

eyeshadowlady

03-25-2008, 07:13 PM

Update time!

Not much to say, I haven't been on in awhile but I haven't exactly been twiddling my fingers either.

went home for spring break, saw moms, worked a lot, and tried to catch up with my classes while I could. And managed to stay pretty social at the same time. I think I only got on the computer once for most of the whole week, somethign I haven't been able to do for a long time now.

I'm back to the school thing now though. Had a party Saturday, was actually a friend's party but she bailed on it the morning of and some people still wanted to come so I became the new host. Of course most people bailed at the last minute after the host did... they may have planned to do that anyway though. So it ended up being just 3 people for awhile, Id idn't think anyone else would come though I invited as many as I could think of that woul dbe fun. Suddenly though a bunch of people started showing up surprising the hell out of me, and we had a blast :)

School is already stressing me out a lot. Today definitely topped it off. Hah. Oh man, it was so bad I'm getting tired just thinking of typing it all out, so I think I will pass on the story telling.

To all my NC friends, know that I've missed you dearly and am sorry for my disappearance :( I'll try to get on a bit more, but I don't want to become addicted again or distract myself from schoolwork.

ESL

Lukasz

03-26-2008, 04:15 AM

yay. you back r.

Kristi

03-27-2008, 09:54 AM

Hey Keri! :) glad to hear you had a good vacation, my vacation is this week and i am anything but ready to go back yet lol >.< im sorry to hear that school is already a stresser :\ hopefully things will get better soon with that.

eyeshadowlady

04-09-2008, 03:14 AM

Kristi

04-09-2008, 07:58 PM

I've just discovered my drunk song. At the Copa; Copacabana The hottest spot north of Havana At the Copa; Copacabana! Music and passion were always the fashion At the Copa!! Ahhh Barry Manilow does it right. yes he does. I'm going to go to bed now =). Study, drink, bed. Because I have school and work tomorrow. yay. Lmao XD haha nice song :p I hope everything becomes less hectic soon Keri, i kno youre really stressed but youre a hard worker and i know you can pull through :)

eyeshadowlady

04-10-2008, 04:10 AM

Kristi

04-10-2008, 07:03 AM

Wow. I was just repeatedly ripped apart for about an hour and told that I am annoying, boring, and disappointing company. So pretty much everything I'm always insecure about myself was just confirmed. Yeah, I feel like shit right now. And it's way too late. I did not intend to be up this late, I just wanted to know why my new friend had stopped talking to me without reason, and now I know. WHAT?!?! Omg wtf is wrong w.that person?! Keri, you are honestly one of the sweetest and funnest people to talk to, so idk why the hell anyone would say that about you ever! :( i know you feel bummed rt now, but you cant let it get you down. sadly there are people out there that just arent gunna like us ofcourse but saying tha your annoying is just a lame excuse for probably a different reason. But you know what Keri, its their loss cuz theyre missing out on being friends w.such an awesome chick <3

papfles

04-10-2008, 07:27 AM

Yeah, I feel like shit right now. And it's way too late. I did not intend to be up this late, I just wanted to know why my new friend had stopped talking to me without reason, and now I know.

The answer is plain and simple: that's not a friend. Maybe it's a good thing you found out now, so that you know who to ignore and drop in the near future.

People like that aren't worth losing time over.

Thistle

04-10-2008, 10:24 AM

Wow. I was just repeatedly ripped apart for about an hour and told that I am annoying, boring, and disappointing company. So pretty much everything I'm always insecure about myself was just confirmed.

Yeah, I feel like shit right now. And it's way too late. I did not intend to be up this late, I just wanted to know why my new friend had stopped talking to me without reason, and now I know.

You are one of the most fascinating and interesting persons i ever got to know, so please don't let this take you down. It happens, you meet people who don't like you, and like papfles said, this person wasn't a friend. But there are people who do like you, so just don't listen to the crap that this one said. He/she must have been pretty disappointed for some reason to lash out at you like this. Believe me, you don't deserve this. And you need not feel insecure. Please don't let it shake your confidence. You got friends. Real ones.

Lukasz

04-10-2008, 11:03 AM

don't give a fuck. she wasn't your friend so you shouldn't care.

Find new friends. people who appreciate you for who you are and from what i saw here you are a great, funny, interesting gal.

Don't worry.

eyeshadowlady

04-10-2008, 01:04 PM

Thanks everybody... I just really had to vent. I know a real friend wouldn't say something like that, and if there was some problem they would certainly put it in a nicer way... but I did kind of ask for it by asking him to be honest.

I have been told this before, and the main problem with saying that I am an interesting, fun person is that I am that way online but in person I am awkward, shy, and sometimes yeah I do think I am annoying because I don't know how to act around people since I don't interact with them very often (except for select few who I'm comfortable with and can be myself around). And I am also a mature, responsible person who thoroughly thinks through every situation before engaging in one, so I often do miss out on fun because of the risk involved and I think my personality just conflicted with his with this.

A few years ago, I met an online friend. I had my sister and a friend with me, and we only met for an hour since he was driving through my state and I asked him to come see me (I had been talking to him for 4 years at that point--mind you, I still talk to him now, after 7). When I met him I was shy, quiet, and awkward because I was meeting him for the first time. Apparently his boss told him that I was boring and quiet and that he didn't understand why he liked me, that I acted like I didn't give a shit about meeting him, etc., but that my sister was fun and interesting and cute, and my friend was funny. But basically I had the personality of a rock. That friend told his boss to go f*ck himself, because he knew me pretty damn well--but another person probably would take how I acted the wrong way.

This guy said that my profiles online and my text messages and perhaps the first time we interacted gave him a false impression that I was a fun interesting person but that I'm completely different when we're face to face. He said he just thought he would stop talking to me altogether and hope that I got the hint. O_o hint taken.

I really appreciate all your kind words. Truthfully, I don't have a lot of friends that really know me or appreciate me, and it's hard for me to make new ones since I'm always scared or nervous and I have my guard up all the time. I guess when I talk online or not in person, I don't feel a need for those barriers and I am more free to be myself. That's probably why I was on here so much. But recently I tried to become less dependent on that and get out and be that person in real life, and apparently I am not very good at that.

papfles

04-10-2008, 01:14 PM

You learn while falling down, ESL.

If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again (thank you aaliyah >_>).

Things may hurt, but learn from them and change the things you want to change about yourself.

Things will work out in the end. If WE can see who you really are, then step by step you'll get there IRL too. If not, I'll have to kitty sex you a bit more >_>

Hidden Ninja

04-10-2008, 01:29 PM

most people have a time when they are socially awkward whether it be with a person they like, have an interest in or just because they seem cool. but it all comes down to how you diffuse the situation. some are able to get over that fear by acting normal, some have to be obnoxious, and some have to be assholes. then again there are people who are all those things just naturally.

what you need to do and im sure you will begin to see is what kind of person do you want to be. when you go to bed at night, whatever happened that day let it fade away while you are dreaming and the next day don't let it be a problem anymore. unless it is something that needs fixing or is important to your survival. in other words, if shit happens, let it stay shit and put it out in the trash at the end of the day. start the next day fresh.

NarutoNineTails

04-10-2008, 08:13 PM

If you know someone online first and later meet with him face to face maybe you should consider giving him a heads up on how u r lot more reserved in person. People with high expectations might get disappointed at your shy side. Usually when you get into something w/ high expectations, you often get let down due to that expectation.

But this guy u mentioned didn't seem to even give you the opportunity to open up so forget him. He is the one losing out. ;)

Lukasz

04-10-2008, 11:29 PM

anonymity of internet is pretty liberating. It allows us to say things which we wouldn't normally say in real life. Mostly because we do not fear other person here on internet. It also allows us to be witter, more interesting by having time to prepare response (apparently I can flirt much better via msn than in real life :) )

while first problem can be overcome via confidence boost second one can only be resolved via experience.

What we can suggest? Stop being shy, be yourself and stop carrying if you make mistakes. Furthermore, you are a pretty girl, go seduce boys and then tell them you want only to be friends. Then you will be able to 'grind' your people skills. :)

eyeshadowlady

04-11-2008, 01:25 AM

hey guys,

I am feeling better today. Thank you for all your advice, etc. :) though, just because this was a guy, doesn't mean I was interested in him romantically... actually it was more the other way around. I thought it'd just be nice to have a friend I could relate to, especially in music taste since he and I shared a lot of that in common and most of my friends don't relate with me there, but that's not near as important as character O_o and he has shown his.

I like that you said the thing about anominity lukasz, because it's true. It also allowed this guy to say impolite blunt things to me without holding back, when normally he would probably never say those things in person. But yes, I feel more comfortable on the internet being myself.

As far as seducing boys and breaking their hearts, I will leave that to my roommate, who does it best... I just don't like to toy with emotions, and I don't want any stalkers on my hands either. I don't like the idea of hurting someone with purpose, even if they probably deserve it by association (being male). And I'm not much for seducing, I haven't dated anyone in a year and a half and haven't kissed in 8 months (Penis guy)... so I'm pretty awkward and it's like starting from scratch and relearning everything again. I'm also just really not interested in anyone anywhere near me right now, and that's okay... I have a feeling any guy that's ever attracted to me will turn out to be like this guy, Penis guy, my ex boyfriend who stabbed himself in the hand to win me back, or my ex boyfriend who told me he wanted to cut my eyes out and keep them in a jar.

NNT: A person that's really interested in getting to know someone will give them a second chance if they are a bit awkward one time and not just make quick assumptions about their personality based on them. He didn't try to conjure up why I might be acting strangely, or ask me, or try to make me feel more comfortable. So, obviously, it wasn't a friendship he cared too much about either. I warned him beforehand that I wouldn't be entirely myself, but the first couple of times I met up with him (on campus, where we both go to school) he seemed to think I was pretty cool and in line with who I claimed to be. So I guess I don't really understand why one experience where I was awkward seemed to be his definition of who I am. Or why this silent treatment didn't come up after that but only right after he was trying to convince me to come over to his place at 2:30 in the morning when he was drunk and naked (as he stated) and I (obviously) refused. Hmm.

Hidden: You're right... I think I am the kind of person I want to be. I like that I am a responsible person, and I like that I am a sincere, kind-hearted person and I don't like hurting people... and I CAN sleep at night, knowing that. My only problem with myself is that I limit myself too much out of fear/prevention of getting hurt, and--well, in all actuality, less for those reasons and more because I don't want to be blamed for putting myself in those situations again. But you know, I want to have fun like everyone else does... and I get a bit tired sometimes of always being the DD, always being the responsible one, and being afraid to let my guard down, and not doing things 98% of the time because of those barriers. But I also don't want to be the whorey girl who jumps when someone says jump, barks on command, and has no sense of self-worth.

Papfles: You will have to kitty sex me anyway. You have not done so in a very long time :(

NarutoNineTails

04-11-2008, 06:58 PM

From what you mentioned here it seems like the guy said all those bad things about you just for his own ego...being rejected for his pathetic attempt to get some...lol.

eyeshadowlady

04-13-2008, 08:05 PM

I had an amazing night last night.

There’s this huge celebration at my school called VEISHEA. I didn’t participate in that since this year blew, but there were several parties held in light of the occasion this weekend and I went to a couple of those last night. Wow, it was an interesting night.

I had fun at the first party I went to, the one held by my friend, which some of my friends (all but one of whom didn’t know anyone but each other) went to as well. But the boyfriend of my friend wanted to go to this other party, so we went to check out that one (I wasn’t too excited… and wish I hadn’t, but at the same time it ended up being a good story). Haha, anyway, all the girls but myself and another girl were very drunk, one especially. The very drunk one started making out with the bi one, then they pulled my roomie in on it, and all these dumb drunk guys were gawking at them (they probably had never seen such a thing since all the girls they associated with were prude snooty b*tches). I started faking out with the other girl, who didn’t participate because she’s not that kind of girl, saves kissing only for guys she’s very interested in, and isn’t interested in girls at all. Hehe, we had fun and totally fooled the guys. Of course later on my roomie and then the other two girls threw themselves at me and I (obviously—and if you saw them you’d understand) couldn’t refuse. The one I just recently met, the very drunk one, was especially aggressive and tackled me to the floor, and I made the mistake of groping her boob in fun and games, and she goes, “OOHHH!” in excitement and proceeded to go all vampire on me—I still have a hickey from her, lmao. This was the first time I was kissed in 8 months, hahaha. But it was fun just the same, and reminded me why I love these girls so much.

Before we left though some drama went down when this girl called my bi friend a slut (the one with the boyfriend, who was with us too), and the very drunk girl (who is also very aggressive) launched at her and punched her in the nose, giving her a bloody nose; then the girl threw up into her own cleavage (as was recalled to us later since I wasn’t there for that part—wish I had been!). Girls really need to stop calling other girls that word. Anyway, her boyfriend tried retaliating, and the drunk girl was beating on him and all the other guys coming at her. She broke her thumb from punching so many guys. We got her out though, and that douchebag was yelling at us to “get that slut out of here” (his favorite word apparently too). She fought back trying to go at him again for using that word, but we pulled her onward as best we could, but she was yelling at him to meet her outside, and I was trying to calm her down and told the guy not to listen to her and to just leave us alone, we were getting out of there.

A mature guy would realize that this is 1) a girl and 2) a very drunk girl, and stay inside and let her go since she’s not causing any disturbance anymore. Not this guy. He follows us clear down the street and yells threats and calls her a slut, and it becomes very hard for us to hold her back anymore—she keeps insisting she can take him, she can take him, but I didn’t really want a fight on my hands or cops—and she was the only one of us all that was underage. Anyway, I had her held back up until the point where the guy repeatedly refers to my bi friend as a slut and fumes to her, and she’s being mature and just saying yes, we’re leaving, it’s okay, yeah I know, and my roommate hears this and just goes Mohammad Ali on his jaw, LOL. He was really scared. At this point, I let go of the drunk girl because this is the first time I’ve EVER seen my roommate punch someone, and it’s not in her character to do so, so this guy is SCAAARED of these girls, hahaha.

Somehow we made it out unscathed aside from a broken thumb and sore hand from punching for those two girls. And we went back to the first party, the fun one, and had a good time up until someone threw up on all the coats. =)

Hidden Ninja

04-13-2008, 08:32 PM

hahaha now that is some party. it seems girls get to have all the fun.... :P

but im glad that you were able to let lose and just have fun aside from that mini fight that occurred. well it seems that you were able to have a smile the next day and laugh about it all and that was probably what you really needed.

MiMi_Chan

04-13-2008, 10:06 PM

Ah glad to hear you're having some fun ESL ^^ You deserve to have a good time(aside from the fights and drama) :)

Seems the word 'slut' is overused these days. You'd think the nice people would find a variety of insulting other terms but what the heck >_<

Well I'm glad to hear you were able to get some better times after the other stuff you've been through so I'm happy for you :D

Lukasz

04-13-2008, 11:09 PM

lol. you have one fucked up friend ESL.

eyeshadowlady

04-14-2008, 12:13 AM

lol, video from that night. hope you enjoy it, it's hilarious. three of my friends drunk walking around campus and speaking in fake russian accents declaring their hatred for pancakes... wow. just wow.

drunk walk (http://s112.photobucket.com/albums/n180/eyeshadowlady/?action=view&current=DSCN0733.flv)

Hidden Ninja

04-14-2008, 12:50 AM

ha one had a russian accent another sounded italian. it looks like its still cold where you are. it finally got to 60 over here :D

eyeshadowlady

04-14-2008, 12:53 AM

lol, my friend Justin was telling me a story once about his german ex girlfriend and he gave her a distinctly russian accent (in describing the weird things she said to him). He's normally amazing at impressions but apparently not so much so with accents, lmao.

yeah, neither of their accents were particularly believable. and they were drunk. the pancake thing came from the huge line for pancakes in central campus at midnight, lol.

Azure Wrath

04-14-2008, 05:14 AM

lmao, nice vid esl! but yeah, they sund very italian, nt russian, lol.

still, glad you had a good time! :D

NarutoNineTails

04-14-2008, 04:29 PM

I think I need to hire your lady friends as hitmen...i mean hitwomen if I lose my court case. ;)

Kristi

04-14-2008, 05:38 PM

Haha wow Keri that seems like one crazy weekend XD im glad you had fun :) and i know youve been needing a fun time out like that so thats great! ^.^ i couldnt open the video tho :\

eyeshadowlady

04-27-2008, 07:24 PM

Ugh, I wish this migraine would go away. Came outta nowhere and I've had it for about 4 hours now. I'm really nauseous too and feel like throwing up; already took medicine.

And I have a big assignment due tuesday and have to work tomorrow so this is my only chance (aside from staying up all night as Iv'e done all this week for homework) to do it, and of cours eI have a migraine.

ugh, enough venting.

Aside from homework, I'm going to take some time out to go to a big cocktail party Wednesday night. It'll be good to get out and see the friends I haven't seen all year because of homework. And I am going to wear my old prom dress (from my junior year of high school, so 4 years old) so I'll definitely take pictures!

anyway, all I want to say about the mimi thing is that I've held out on saying anything to not cause chaos on nc (though I suppose chaos is in the name) and not hurt those who are still friends with her. The only thing that really prompted me to make a comment was her being nominated for modship. Something about a very fake person whose intentions are very shady and loooooooooooong messages contain almost no information and only vagueness, becoming a mod... well, the idea made me uncomfortable. If she becomes a mod, I will probably quit NC for good. But, I said nothing disrespectful at all, and I'd also like to point out that since the discovery of the multiple accounts only one of them has been active... which I don't think is any coincidence.

How much that matters aside from her being up for modship is pretty inconsequencial to me aside from the lack of trust, lack of answers, and possible pain it might cause other members I care about. I'm not a very active member here anymore though, so it really doesn't bother me personally all that much. And I am getting annoyed with the spammy pedo remarks. Obviously if she was a pedo, she'd be doing a lousy job of it. Most likely she's just a lonely, very bored, overweight or awkward person with a lot of time on her hands. A pedo would make more of an effort to contact us and get naked pictures or meet with us.

And that's all I want to say about it. I apologize for things getting out of hand and spammy, but I don't apologize for bringing it to light because I don't want to see a person of this questionable character becoming a mod, regardless of popularity or activity. I don't think she is a necessarily bad or unlikeable person from what seems to be the combined character I've seen. please don't spam up my thread though, I just wanted to offer my reasoning for bringing the issue to light (if a subtle reference of multiple identities is doing this).

Kristi

04-27-2008, 07:40 PM

Ugh, I wish this migraine would go away. Came outta nowhere and I've had it for about 4 hours now. I'm really nauseous too and feel like throwing up; already took medicine. And I have a big assignment due tuesday and have to work tomorrow so this is my only chance (aside from staying up all night as Iv'e done all this week for homework) to do it, and of cours eI have a migraine. ugh, enough venting. Aside from homework, I'm going to take some time out to go to a big cocktail party Wednesday night. It'll be good to get out and see the friends I haven't seen all year because of homework. And I am going to wear my old prom dress (from my junior year of high school, so 4 years old) so I'll definitely take pictures! anyway, all I want to say about the mimi thing is that I've held out on saying anything to not cause chaos on nc (though I suppose chaos is in the name) and not hurt those who are still friends with her. The only thing that really prompted me to make a comment was her being nominated for modship. Something about a very fake person whose intentions are very shady and loooooooooooong messages contain almost no information and only vagueness, becoming a mod... well, the idea made me uncomfortable. If she becomes a mod, I will probably quit NC for good. But, I said nothing disrespectful at all, and I'd also like to point out that since the discovery of the multiple accounts only one of them has been active... which I don't think is any coincidence. How much that matters aside from her being up for modship is pretty inconsequencial to me aside from the lack of trust, lack of answers, and possible pain it might cause other members I care about. I'm not a very active member here anymore though, so it really doesn't bother me personally all that much. And I am getting annoyed with the spammy pedo remarks. Obviously if she was a pedo, she'd be doing a lousy job of it. Most likely she's just a lonely, very bored, overweight or awkward person with a lot of time on her hands. A pedo would make more of an effort to contact us and get naked pictures or meet with us. And that's all I want to say about it. I apologize for things getting out of hand and spammy, but I don't apologize for bringing it to light because I don't want to see a person of this questionable character becoming a mod, regardless of popularity or activity. I don't think she is a necessarily bad or unlikeable person from what seems to be the combined character I've seen. please don't spam up my thread though, I just wanted to offer my reasoning for bringing the i